Alone and a bit lost?

Prayer is such a personal affair.  Perhaps the most personal of all communication. So speaking of it is tricky. After all, if the condition of prayer is communing with God should we even attempt to discuss such a private thing with others?  A good definition is perhaps the best place to start.

"The state of prayer is the best of conditions, for man is then associating with God."

ʻAbdu'l-Bahá

Knowing what we can endure, accept or change is a fundamental part of that critical conversation.

"God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference. "

Reinhold Niebuhr

Prayer has always been much more than asking for things. It has always been even more than just words, it is an act that should have real consequences.  If we pray without subsequently arising to carry out deeds worthy of that divine connection then of what worth are we or our words?

"This is worship: to serve mankind and to minister to the needs of the people. Service is prayer." 

ʻAbdu'l-Bahá

Often prayers are a call of affirmation, or a call for assistance from God and can bring comfort to a soul in trouble and have done so for thousands of years.  We cannot use the following words without thinking of all those before us who have whispered such a heartfelt plea at moments when all seemed hopeless.

Even though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil;

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff–they comfort me.

Psalms 23: 1-6

In this prayer David speaks to God in terms that any shepherd would have found familiar.  Three thousand years ago a shepherd like David carried a rod and a staff to protect his sheep. The rod was a cudgel: a short, thick, heavy stick worn in his shepherd's belt. The staff was usually a long, lightweight pole with a curved end, a crook, that controlled the sheep and kept them safe within the flock.  Both could be used by the shepherd to protect his animals from any predator.  This prayer is a reminder that God’s presence, like the shepherd, is always there to protect and guide us in very real and tangible ways.  The recital of such powerful prayers influences our spirit in ways akin to a cleansing process.  It has been compared to bathing quite beautifully in the following quote.

"Prayer is the inner bath of love into which the soul plunges itself."

St. John Vianney

Those who fill their life with prayer and real service to others recognise that prayer is not a one-sided communication. On the contrary, the most important part of prayer is invariably the silence and listening that follows or even begins communion with God. 

"God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer."

Mother Teresa

There are often too many words in our prayers and a reluctance to really listen. Just as when talking to family and friends it is not the quantity of the conversation that matters but its quality. 

"The most acceptable prayer is the one offered with the utmost spirituality and radiance; its prolongation hath not been and is not beloved by God."

The Báb

A reluctance to pray can be from overconfidence in our own abilities.  Admitting one needs help is not a sign of weakness. Many outstanding individuals have used prayer when they found the challenges facing them beyond endurance.

"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day."

Abraham Lincoln

The prayers of saints can be that potent mixture of communion with God and setting noble goals.

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

Where there is injury, pardon

Where there is doubt, faith,

Where there is despair, hope,

Where there is darkness, light,

Where there is sadness, joy."

St. Francis of Assisi

Our parents devote much time, energy, and love to us and an expression of gratitude is often the only worthwhile response to that devotion.

"It is seemly that the servant should, after each prayer, supplicate God to bestow mercy and forgiveness upon his parents. Thereupon God’s call will be raised: “Thousand upon thousand of what thou hast asked for thy parents shall be thy recompense!”

The Báb

There can be times when we feel there is no answer to our prayers and God seems very far away.  That can mean that the answer is simply no. Regarding the huge distance, we find ourselves from God the question it prompts is, “Who has moved”? Even the act of turning in the right direction, whatever the response or distance, can bring unexpected blessings.

"A generous prayer is never presented in vain; the petition may be refused, but the petitioner is always, I believe, rewarded by some gracious visitation."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Indeed, sometimes we focus so entirely on the dialogue that we forget the spirit behind such communion is more important than the words.

"It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without heart."

Mahatma Gandhi

The saying “Trust in God, but tie your camel” is a useful practical suggestion. Our actions and spiritual growth can require different motivations.

"Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you."

St. Augustine

Sometimes we just need the simplest and shortest of prayers and this is one that works for me.

"Is there any Remover of difficulties save God?  Say: Praised be God!  He is God!  All are His servants, and all abide by His bidding!"

The Báb

We all need that toehold at times!

I am persuaded that happy people are a rare sighting.  Not to be found at the table to my right, a British family on holiday in the Med.  Two parents and two sullen teenagers imprisoned for two weeks on a package tour.  The couple’s dislike of each other is only trumped by their adolescent’s loathing of their parents.  They all sit in miserable silence at a table. 

The teenagers hold their iPhones as shields to block out all those they dislike.  Even being quizzed as to what they would like to drink, brings a roll of the eyes and a disgusted look at the menu.  The young waiter is holding his order pad patiently waiting.  Both teenagers are taking their time competing to see who will be the last to order, to succumb to parental pressure.  The wife orders a coffee and the husband a beer.  She remonstrates with him, as they have rented a car and he’s already had a beer earlier.  He glares at her and then changes his order to a whiskey in a belligerent tone to the waiter.  He shrugs his shoulders at her as if to say what are you going to do about it, now?  The waiter is now awaiting the teenager’s order.  There is an awkward silence followed by an expletive from the husband.  The wife interjects,

“You’d like the iced tea, Sonya, I’m sure you would!”

Sonya stares at her parents as if trying to decide which she dislikes more.  Meanwhile, her brother says he’d like a beer.  The waiter shakes his head and explains that he cannot serve alcohol to someone underage.  The father interjects,

“Look boy, bring me a whiskey, a beer, a coffee and an iced tea!”  He stares at the waiter daring him to argue.  As the waiter leaves to get their order, the wife objects to the beer for the boy and he holds up his hand to her,

“I’m on holiday and am not here to be lectured by you!”

All four lapse into silence after this outburst.   It reminds me of that hurtful quote.

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

I am left wondering are they more unhappy at home and this is their ‘happy holiday mood’.  Or is this, their miserable holiday trapped together while at home they can exist in happy isolation from each other?  Anyway, what makes a happy family?  Perhaps, like many of us this family has reached the brick wall of despair.  We all meet it sometime in our lives.  That point in one’s personal life when absolutely everything has gone bad.  You question everyone in your existence because it has all become so truly awful you can see no way ahead.  No hope for change, no light, no relationship that can be mended.  No trust capable of being rebuilt.  Most disturbing of all, when not disliking everyone around, you examine yourself and can find little of worth there either.  Whatever youthful spark of capacity has been douched by life.  At such a point, every slight, upset, hurtful comment, injury, illness, loss becomes the last straw.  The tiny nudge that can put you over the edge. 

I remember too, the random acts of kindness of strangers, family or friends that gave me a toehold out of nowhere.  Unexpected, they reached out with love and compassion, as I plunged ever lower down a slippery slope.  They may never know how tiny words of kindness, letters of encouragement, calls of comfort, turned the tide.  Even a look of understanding across a crowded room nurtured hope.  I appreciated those who were prepared to listen, really listen. 

This happiness business comes and goes.  We all hit walls.  I can only pray that when you’re face to face with it somewhere, sometime, someone, somehow provides that toehold that makes all the difference in the world. 

Lost in Translation - what they really mean

We often hear what others say but do we actually understand?  Here are tips to getting clear translation and free advice on good responses.

When a boyfriend says, referring to an ex, "She means nothing to me!"
translation - he's fixated on this woman, drop him like a hot potato

When a girlfriend says. "My previous boyfriend had many faults but he was generous."
translation - she will bleed you of every penny you have

When a man says, "I am a man of few words"
translation - I have nothing interesting to say

When she says, "Why do you always look at other women?"
translation - beware the green eyed monster, unless you enjoy control, get your ass out of there!

When anyone says any of the following they mean the same

1. 'Sorry I forgot my wallet."
2. "Sorry, I don't have change."
3. "Didn't you say you'd get this?"

translation - they are a mean bastard and you will be expected to pay all bills and be grateful for doing so.

When she asks, "Does my ass look big in this?"
Translation - Do you think I'm getting fat?  Do not tell her she takes after her huge Mum and sisters.  Do not agree.  The only response that is fairly safe is to complain bitterly that she has lost too much weight recently.

When he says, "I've had to sort out your kids!"
translation - he has been agressive towards your children because he is angry with you.

When she says, "I think I've got the prettiest hands."
translation - the rest of me is extraordinarily ugly and in comparison the hands look good.

When he says, "I've a fine physic!"
tranlation - This is always said by the over endowed to those who think otherwise.

When he/she says "You never listen to what I say!"
translation - is invariably said by those whose conversation is akin to a dentist drill.

When he says, "Things may be tricky now but...."
translation - means there is much more bullshit ahead.  Whatever rapids you are encountering now are nothing to the drop ahead.

When he says, "Do you want to finish that?"
translation - the beggar is after your food, fork him immediately!

When he says, "You are very clever!"
translation - I cannot stand intelligent women, dumb down or else!

When he says, "Why have you got that face on?"
translation - this means that you no longer have the right to certain expressions.  The only correct response is a beeline for the nearest exit.

He says, "For goodness sake, for once can you make a decision yourself!"
translation - usually said by an over controlling freak who  is bored by having total control.

She says, "Your trousures are caught up in your socks."
translation -  why did I end up with the smuck?

He says, "I like your hair the way it was."
translation - don't change a hair of your head without consulting me beforehand

I am sure you have your own insights on what is behind the words we hear.  Sorry that on reading this, it came across as rather critical.  People sometimes mean exactly what they say, I am sure.