Parcels, journeys and lessons learned

Tried to go to the post office centre in Marsa, on Malta, and got hopelessly lost. Ended up in the Three Cities having started in Sliema. Totally the wrong direction what a failure. Seems to typify most of my endeavours at this stage of my life. Set up simple task clearly in my mind this morning - retrieve parcel from post office. Expend huge amounts of energy and end up exhausted but with totally nothing to show for it. At times you feel everything in life is a spiritual metaphor. Reflecting back to us fundamental truths that need to be heard whether we like it or not. 

So let's look at today. The parcel had been delivered to Malta. Being from outside Europe the parcel goes to an office in the middle of the island. You have just seven days to pick it up and must pay a percentage tax on it. I have no idea what it is or how much it costs. Without a car you must master the intricate bus routes that exist on Malta. It is a tiny island and a mere 27 kilometres by 15 kilometres but by bus almost every destination is over an hour, or more, away. You spend ages at bus-stops waiting for buses which completely ignore their timetables. It's not their fault. The roads are gridlocked and ,as no one gets anywhere fast, anger grows. You can see it in the faces of car drivers who sit breathing in fumes.  It is also apparent in the erratic bus drivers who brake, accelerate, swerve and stand on their brakes, sending passengers flying down the aisle. Bus passengers here have adopted a weary resignation tinged with humour. Only when driven to extremes do they display anything other than determined good nature. I burn with agitation that I must have sailed past the proper stop and ended up at the opposite part of the island. Today I have failed in my endeavours.

What are the fundamental truths learned today? Despite being a foreigner in Malta people are universally kind to me. They offer me seats on overfilled buses. I must have reached that age of visible vulnerability? On the second bus, going in the wrong direction, the Maltese, dignified, elderly man beside me, sensed my growing agitation as I consulted my map and signs of passing bus stops. Eventually, he asked, “Where is it you want to go?” I showed him the Maltapost address and he sighed in some distress. “You are in the Three cities and will have to go back the way you came”. He carefully wrote down the name of the stop I should get off at and then instructed me to catch a completely different bus from there. I thanked him profusely as he got off at his stop. A tall white bearded figure in a suit with a briefcase. Hands like a musician and kind concerned eyes. I then, typically, totally ignored his instructions. The bus came to the end of the line and I got off there instead. 

In between tall old houses I can see the ships and oil rigs. It looks too interesting not to explore. 

Going back on one’s tracks always feels like failure somehow.  I eventually find myself close to the ferry terminal it will take me to Valetta and home. Travelling by boat is such a treat. I order a cappuccino and enjoy the moment. 

Lessons learnt so far. 

1. Even when given a clear and limited objective, I have the infinite capacity to fail. 
2. People are exceptionally kind and courteous much more so than I deserve or expect. 
3. Being beside the sea is a constant joy. 
4. Travelling by public transport forces me to engage with people. This is a necessity as I am by nature a loner and odder than one can possibly imagine. 
5. The days of one's life march past at an incredible rate and I do hope no one is tallying up my productivity. It seems an inverse relationship. The more days pass - the less I appear to achieve. The only logical explanation is that I must be in reverse!

I better go and catch this ferry as I've already missed the first two sitting here having a coffee daydreaming.

PS caught ferry after being distracted by Senegal and then decided having reached Valetta to try once more my original destination in Marsa. I have now found the Maltapost office and am awaiting customs inspection as the item is from Turkey. After waiting for a customs official for forty minutes, I am now thinking perhaps it is far from being such an innocent gift from an ex-student! Will it contain illegal substances of which I know nothing? Suddenly, images from Midnight Express film flood the mind.

Since, I have instructed the customs officer to open said package to determine its value (necessary to pay tax) I am now awaiting to see if the amount is of the order of the few euros or serval tens of thousands. In the latter case I will be in deep trouble. I could be totally innocent but also a stupid drug mule! Why does customs the world over make you feel as guilty as sin?

PPS gift turned out to be a simple backgammon set. I'm not a drug mule as I feared. I feel a heady sense of freedom. Another lesson learned - take nothing in life for granted!

Lauch of Letter From Malta Service - warnings apply

Many friends over the years have suggested I would make a good counsellor. I've always responded with horror. Perhaps, the reason for choosing science over art so many years ago was a desire for solid facts not the soft shaky business of human psychology. When people tell me their problems it feels like a harpoon to my heart.  I find it difficult to weather the woes of others. I have a thin skin or as my mother calls it ‘You’re supersensitive’. 

When a friend told me how much her husband beat her, we went together to the photographer to take photos of her poor black and blue body, it burned my heart. I find myself wanting to take justice into my own hands. As these things sometimes do the fates conspired to tempt me. I was driving down the street when the husband was crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing. He was about to cross and I slowed to a standstill murderous intent in my heart. He spotted me and read my mind. We eyeballed each other for a few seconds as everyone else crossed the road in front of my car. He glared at me angrily and took a step. I revved my engine and he stopped. Never taking his eye of me he stepped back onto the pavement. He stood awkwardly on the edge looking around himself for support. It was time to drive on. I passed with with a slight nod of my head, ‘wise call’ I wanted to tell him. 

So, you can see that with such an inability to listen to troubles without taking practical action my counselling skills are always going to be seriously flawed. Then, I thought about being on a tiny island in the Med and reckoned there are some advantages to being at a distance. Perhaps, I should call my answering service “Letter from Malta”. You send me your questions problems insights and I will reply with a proper paper letter not email. Be warned I am not trained, not mild mannered, not shy about reframing accounts. Don't expect the usual “I'm hearing what you're saying, rot”!  Sometimes we all need to hear what we do not like. We need to be challenged as to reality not just our own narrow perception. Consulting with others is a powerful tool. We need not accept what others have to say but at times that contribution is from a refreshingly different perspective. That can help us make a better reflection on the choices and challenges that lie head. If you are interested send me your missive ( at colette.maani@gmail.com) and I promise to send my response from Malta. Be warned not only is the service not free it should have a government warning on it!.. 

Lost in Translation - what they really mean

We often hear what others say but do we actually understand?  Here are tips to getting clear translation and free advice on good responses.

When a boyfriend says, referring to an ex, "She means nothing to me!"
translation - he's fixated on this woman, drop him like a hot potato

When a girlfriend says. "My previous boyfriend had many faults but he was generous."
translation - she will bleed you of every penny you have

When a man says, "I am a man of few words"
translation - I have nothing interesting to say

When she says, "Why do you always look at other women?"
translation - beware the green eyed monster, unless you enjoy control, get your ass out of there!

When anyone says any of the following they mean the same

1. 'Sorry I forgot my wallet."
2. "Sorry, I don't have change."
3. "Didn't you say you'd get this?"

translation - they are a mean bastard and you will be expected to pay all bills and be grateful for doing so.

When she asks, "Does my ass look big in this?"
Translation - Do you think I'm getting fat?  Do not tell her she takes after her huge Mum and sisters.  Do not agree.  The only response that is fairly safe is to complain bitterly that she has lost too much weight recently.

When he says, "I've had to sort out your kids!"
translation - he has been agressive towards your children because he is angry with you.

When she says, "I think I've got the prettiest hands."
translation - the rest of me is extraordinarily ugly and in comparison the hands look good.

When he says, "I've a fine physic!"
tranlation - This is always said by the over endowed to those who think otherwise.

When he/she says "You never listen to what I say!"
translation - is invariably said by those whose conversation is akin to a dentist drill.

When he says, "Things may be tricky now but...."
translation - means there is much more bullshit ahead.  Whatever rapids you are encountering now are nothing to the drop ahead.

When he says, "Do you want to finish that?"
translation - the beggar is after your food, fork him immediately!

When he says, "You are very clever!"
translation - I cannot stand intelligent women, dumb down or else!

When he says, "Why have you got that face on?"
translation - this means that you no longer have the right to certain expressions.  The only correct response is a beeline for the nearest exit.

He says, "For goodness sake, for once can you make a decision yourself!"
translation - usually said by an over controlling freak who  is bored by having total control.

She says, "Your trousures are caught up in your socks."
translation -  why did I end up with the smuck?

He says, "I like your hair the way it was."
translation - don't change a hair of your head without consulting me beforehand

I am sure you have your own insights on what is behind the words we hear.  Sorry that on reading this, it came across as rather critical.  People sometimes mean exactly what they say, I am sure.