Parcels, journeys and lessons learned

Tried to go to the post office centre in Marsa, on Malta, and got hopelessly lost. Ended up in the Three Cities having started in Sliema. Totally the wrong direction what a failure. Seems to typify most of my endeavours at this stage of my life. Set up simple task clearly in my mind this morning - retrieve parcel from post office. Expend huge amounts of energy and end up exhausted but with totally nothing to show for it. At times you feel everything in life is a spiritual metaphor. Reflecting back to us fundamental truths that need to be heard whether we like it or not. 

So let's look at today. The parcel had been delivered to Malta. Being from outside Europe the parcel goes to an office in the middle of the island. You have just seven days to pick it up and must pay a percentage tax on it. I have no idea what it is or how much it costs. Without a car you must master the intricate bus routes that exist on Malta. It is a tiny island and a mere 27 kilometres by 15 kilometres but by bus almost every destination is over an hour, or more, away. You spend ages at bus-stops waiting for buses which completely ignore their timetables. It's not their fault. The roads are gridlocked and ,as no one gets anywhere fast, anger grows. You can see it in the faces of car drivers who sit breathing in fumes.  It is also apparent in the erratic bus drivers who brake, accelerate, swerve and stand on their brakes, sending passengers flying down the aisle. Bus passengers here have adopted a weary resignation tinged with humour. Only when driven to extremes do they display anything other than determined good nature. I burn with agitation that I must have sailed past the proper stop and ended up at the opposite part of the island. Today I have failed in my endeavours.

What are the fundamental truths learned today? Despite being a foreigner in Malta people are universally kind to me. They offer me seats on overfilled buses. I must have reached that age of visible vulnerability? On the second bus, going in the wrong direction, the Maltese, dignified, elderly man beside me, sensed my growing agitation as I consulted my map and signs of passing bus stops. Eventually, he asked, “Where is it you want to go?” I showed him the Maltapost address and he sighed in some distress. “You are in the Three cities and will have to go back the way you came”. He carefully wrote down the name of the stop I should get off at and then instructed me to catch a completely different bus from there. I thanked him profusely as he got off at his stop. A tall white bearded figure in a suit with a briefcase. Hands like a musician and kind concerned eyes. I then, typically, totally ignored his instructions. The bus came to the end of the line and I got off there instead. 

In between tall old houses I can see the ships and oil rigs. It looks too interesting not to explore. 

Going back on one’s tracks always feels like failure somehow.  I eventually find myself close to the ferry terminal it will take me to Valetta and home. Travelling by boat is such a treat. I order a cappuccino and enjoy the moment. 

Lessons learnt so far. 

1. Even when given a clear and limited objective, I have the infinite capacity to fail. 
2. People are exceptionally kind and courteous much more so than I deserve or expect. 
3. Being beside the sea is a constant joy. 
4. Travelling by public transport forces me to engage with people. This is a necessity as I am by nature a loner and odder than one can possibly imagine. 
5. The days of one's life march past at an incredible rate and I do hope no one is tallying up my productivity. It seems an inverse relationship. The more days pass - the less I appear to achieve. The only logical explanation is that I must be in reverse!

I better go and catch this ferry as I've already missed the first two sitting here having a coffee daydreaming.

PS caught ferry after being distracted by Senegal and then decided having reached Valetta to try once more my original destination in Marsa. I have now found the Maltapost office and am awaiting customs inspection as the item is from Turkey. After waiting for a customs official for forty minutes, I am now thinking perhaps it is far from being such an innocent gift from an ex-student! Will it contain illegal substances of which I know nothing? Suddenly, images from Midnight Express film flood the mind.

Since, I have instructed the customs officer to open said package to determine its value (necessary to pay tax) I am now awaiting to see if the amount is of the order of the few euros or serval tens of thousands. In the latter case I will be in deep trouble. I could be totally innocent but also a stupid drug mule! Why does customs the world over make you feel as guilty as sin?

PPS gift turned out to be a simple backgammon set. I'm not a drug mule as I feared. I feel a heady sense of freedom. Another lesson learned - take nothing in life for granted!

Bossy wives, funny bus drivers and transporting and transmuting

I had forgotten the chattiness of the Irish. Not the well bred iciness of the middle class, whose mark of good manners is studiously ignoring you under all circumstances. If they live beside you, they will pride themselves on 25 years of avoiding conversations across well manicured garden hedges. No, I’m talking about the chattiness of those neither rich or middle class. 

Here I am, heading by bus from Ballymoney to Belfast. Nothing exceptional happens all the way from Ballymoney to Ballymena. The usual flocks of the over 65’s taking advantage of free transport they are entitled to. It does the heart good to see groups of elderly folk travelling up to Belfast for the day. I love the way they dress up for such excursions. On cheap airlines nowadays, people dress down. It might be the stewardesses on such flights who set the tone. They are dressed like supermarket assistants and every everyone else feels duty-bound to follow suit. In the olden days, beautifully manicured stewardesses with pristine make up and hair floated up and down the central catwalk of the plane.  People aspired to that template with varying degrees of success. But cheap airlines show their disdain for customers so obviously; making you stand in freezing corridors like cattle, squeezing you into tiny battery hen containers. Dressing up for such treatment defeats even the fashion conscious among us. 

Regarding public transport, the wealthy have cars to insulate themselves from others. Occasionally, they will commute by train but use books, iPads and mobiles to isolate themselves from their fellow travellers. Buses however are avoided and so have a different clientele entirely. As a result social interactions on buses in Ireland are startlingly different. 

The new driver who takes over the bus in Ballymena is called Marty and is a really talkative man. He greets almost all who enter the bus by name and has a friendly insult for everyone. He is small and wiry and has a great line of chat. 

“Hi Ruth, are you heading up to Antrim hospital to see your mum?”

 He asked the middle-aged woman who is missing an arm. She smiles at him and nods. He beams back and asks, 

“How is she doing, love?” As he hands her a ticket.

She answers in a strong Ballymena accent,

“She’s not so bad, Marty”.  

He responds challengingly,

“You’re up visiting that hospital so often, I reckon you’ve a bloke up there!”

Ruth blushes and giggles, delighted by his jesting. The whole company on the bus begins to perk up and some smile. This boy is a live wire! He tells us all,

“My wife is 5 inches taller than me and is terribly bossy. I'm a chatty fella on the bus but a silent wee man at home! My God! She wears the trousers in our home!”

There are titters of laughter now from the front seats. Smiles are shared by all on the bus. A rather chubby redheaded lad in his 30’s runs late to catch the bus and is scolded by Marty. 

We’re all here waiting on you. Just take your time why don't you? We have nothing better to do than sit like wallflowers for you to come along! "

He makes the lad so nervous, he drops his coins into his rucksack and they disappear into its cluttered depths. He pulls out a tenner in desperation and offers that. Marty scolds him again,

 “Now, I'll have to give you my money out of my own pocket for change.”

He hands over fiver. 

“That's what the wife gave me today for a coffee and a bun!” 

The lad grabs it and runs to his seat at the back. An elderly man called Davy, shouts out,

 “You're a wild man, Marty, I’d hate to see you with drink taken!”

 Marty responds,

 “No, I don't touch the demon drink, sure look how mad I am without it!”

Davy mentions the bad thunder and lightning of the previous night and Marty says he is terrified of lightning he points out his garden was lit up last night with flashes.

 “I was scared rigid. You’ll know if there is lightning today because you’ll find me hiding under this bus seat!” 

Davy says, 

“I loved watching it from my chair, through the window last night!”

Marty snorts,

“Sure you're an old guy, almost dead already. You have nothing to fear from anything. I’ve got my whole life to think of!”

At this, the whole bus is laughing. Davy responds in puzzled tones,

 “How did you get that woman of yours to marry you? 

Marty explains, 

“Sure wasn't she the luckiest lass in the world to get me. I am a fine fellow. If I could've married myself, I would have! I got down on my knees and asked,

“Would you like to marry me? I'm the best man in the world. When she said, “yes” I asked if she could lend me a fiver towards my rent, now that we were practically family.”

Davy laughs and says,

“Sure you're raking it in, with all the money you boys on the bus get. Marty laughs and asks Davy,

“If I find £20 in one coat pocket and £40 in the other what would I have?”   

Davy shouts out, “£60” to which Martin replies, 

“No, I'd have someone else's coat on!”

The banter continues the whole way and he lightens the atmosphere. He is careful to greet each new passenger and say a teasing goodbye to those who disembark. He tells the thin tall teenage girl that she is on the late shift today and despite her shyness you can see she appreciates that he's noticed. By the time we reach Belfast others are telling their jokes, sharing tales and teasing him back. It's another world and if you couldn't catch the strong accents you would miss the good humour that cushions all the jibes. It all feels so familiar, this quick witted repartee. But it is Marty's ability to take a somber silent bus load and bring them back to good-humoured humanity that pleases me the most. His good nature is contagious and as we disembark I want to shake his hand in appreciation. There is definitely something special about having a radiant personality.  Misery is so contagious but thankfully so is happiness.

"A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles." 

quote by William Hazlitt (10 April 1778 – 18 September 1830) English writer and philosopher