Maximinus Thrax- Giant in stature and gigantically flawed

The emperor of Rome, in the third century, Severus was returning from an eastern expedition, to celebrate with extensive military games, the birthday of his younger son Geta. The whole country gathered in crowds to watch their emperor and enjoy the spectacle. A young barbarian of enormous stature asked earnestly, in his crude dialect, to be allowed to contend in the wrestling match. As it would have offended the Roman soldiers for this crude barbarian to be successful,  in such a public match, only the toughest and stoutest followers of the camp were sent forward to wrestle with the cheeky barbarian. 

The barbarian wrestled successfully with 16 of the Roman soldiers, one after the other, laying each on the ground. His rewards were some small gifts and also he was permitted to enlist in the emperor’s troops.  The next day, the triumphant barbarian was seen dancing and exulting riotously amid the crowd of new recruits. By such unusual behaviour, he managed to attract the emperor’s notice. Immediately, he ran up to the emperor’s horse and proceeded to run alongside him as the Emperor rode at some pace.

At the end of this horse run, Emperor Severus, thinking the barbarian to be exhausted, cleverly suggested another wrestling match. The barbarian proceeded to overthrow seven of the strongest soldiers in the army. The barbarian, whose name was Maximin, won another prize of a gold collar and was promoted to serve in the house guards whose job it was to protect the sovereign.  The barbarian was descended from his father a Goth  (East Germanic people) and his mother of the nation of the Alini  (Iranian nomadic people). He was subsequently seen to show on every occasion a valour comparable to his enormous strength and a tremendous almost animal-like fierceness. He rose to the rank of centurion and was esteemed by Severus and his son. The fourth Legion, to which Maximin was appointed Tribune, soon became the best disciplined of the whole army. The soldiers applauded their impressive commander and would call him Ajax or Hercules and he was quickly promoted to even higher military command.

Maximinus was, according to all accounts, the biggest man ever to hold the office of Roman emperor.  The History Augusta claims he was 8 foot 6 ins tall and was renown for pulling laden carts single handed. His coins depict a man with a massive head and thick brow and huge, thick nose. Added to this were cold, narrowed eyes and the close-cropped hair of a professional soldier.

Such quick promotion inflamed the barbarian’s growing ambition. Although without much wisdom, he had a selfish cunning nature and years later realised that the new Emperor no longer had the affection of the army and he engineered their growing discontent for his own advantage. Eventually, he put to death the young leader and proclaimed himself emperor. He had a savage appearance and was completely ignorant of arts and had a great fear of the contempt of others. He could remember times waiting at the doors of proud nobles and not even been allowed admittance by their slaves. Those who remembered his previous obscurity were often put to death, even those who had been his benefactors. His baseness and ingratitude knew no limit.   Even without witnesses or without a trial, senators could be put to death and in one case along with 4000 others. On even the smallest accusation a Roman noble could be slaughtered, endure torture and be beaten to death with clubs. Anxious to amass wealth he stripped the temples of their most valuable ornaments of gold and silver and had statues melted down and made into money.

How his wife Caecilia Paulina died is a mystery; contemporary gossip claimed that Maximinus had cut her to pieces in a fit of rage.  It has been suggested that he probably suffered from a form of acromegaly. Of “frightening appearance and colossal size,” he displayed a prominent forehead, large nose, and lantern jaw, typical symptoms of pituitary gland overproduction of growth hormones. Maximinus seems to share some of those characteristics typical of this complaint.

Acromegaly is typically due to the pituitary gland producing too much growth hormone. In more than 95% of cases the excess production is due to a benign tumour.  There are a few famous modern cases of sufferers from this disease like Andre the Giant.  

In fact, as if to back up this premise recently the first complete ancient skeleton of a person with gigantism has been discovered near Rome (as reported in National Geographic), study in Nov 10, 2012 found dating from the same time period as Maximinus.

"At 6 feet, 8 inches tall, the man would have been a giant in third-century A.D. Rome, where men averaged about 5 and a half feet tall. Finding such skeletons is unique, because gigantism itself is extremely rare, today affecting about three people in a million worldwide. The condition begins in childhood, when a malfunctioning pituitary gland causes abnormal growth.

To find out if the skeleton had gigantism, the team examined the bones and found evidence of skull damage consistent with a pituitary tumour, which disrupts the pituitary gland, causing it to overproduce human growth hormone. His early demise—likely between 16 and 20—might also point to gigantism, which is associated with cardiovascular disease and respiratory problems."  

In fact, the life expectancy of a patient, even today, with untreated acromegaly is 50 years. This is because the condition causes cardiomyopathy and ventricular arrhythmia. Just in case you think Maximinus’s height is impossible there are a few more recent examples worth checking out.  The photos are pretty incredible.

Coyne was born in 1897 in Iowa, USA. His 1918 World War I draft card listed his height as 8 feet. His Guinness book of records entry states that he was refused entry to the war due to his height. At the time of his death it was possible that he had reached the height of 8 foot 4 inches.

Edouard Beaupré, born in 1881, was a circus sideshow freak, a strong man, and a star in Barnum and Baileys. He was the eldest of 20 children and was born in Canada. While he was of normal height during his first few years of life, by the age of nine he was 6 feet tall. His death certificate showed him as being 8’3″ and still growing. As a strongman, his feature stunt was crouching down and lifting a horse to his shoulders. He reportedly lifted horses as heavy as 900 pounds.

Leonid Stadnyk (8 feet 5 inches) was born in 1971 in the Ukraine. He is a registered veterinary surgeon and lives with his mother. He is currently the world’s tallest human according to the Guinness Book of Records.

Johan was born in America the year that his mother moved there from Norway. Interestingly his mother was also a giant, at 7’2″. According to his death certificate from Mendocino State Hospital, at the time of death he was 9’2″ – if this is true then he is the tallest recorded human – beating Robert Wadlow below, by 3 inches. He is buried in Montana.

Robert Wadlow was (8′ 11.1″) and was often referred to as the Alton giant because he came from Alton, Illinois. At the time of his death he weighed 440 pounds and showed no signs of stopping growing. He was born in 1918, the oldest of five children. He died at the age of 22 from an infection caused by a blister on his ankle, which he got while making a professional appearance at the National Forest Festival.

Interestingly, so many of the above giants are referred to as gentle characters.  It seems Maximinus shared their height but not their placid natures. What a terrifying spectacle he must have made in the third century!

tree killer, killed by tree

I don’t like to backbite but there are some people who need to be remembered because they were sufficiently bad to stand out despite the centuries of years that separate them from us.  One of them is Mutawakkil (born March 822, Iraq—died December 861).  One of his party pieces was that when he wanted to make merry he would summon his ministers, councillors and functionaries to his presence and let loose a box of scorpions in the assembly and forbid anyone to move.  A real fun kind of guy to have around.  Indeed, when someone was stung he would burst forth in boisterous laughter.

He immediately tore down synagogues and churches in Baghdad.  Then he razed to the ground the famous Islamic shrine of Husayn Ali and did not allow pilgrimages to take place there.  The tomb of Husayn ibn Ali is one of the holiest places for Shias outside of Mecca and Medina.  In case you are thinking why would a Muslim like Mutawakki seek to eradicate such a special place, it has to be remembered he was a Sunni and regarded this shrine as a Shia site.  Such was the hostility towards the Shias that even remembering the death of Husayn Ali, grandson of Muhammad, was not to be tolerated.  Muhammad had clearly indicated that other religious groups like the Christians and Jews should be protected and allowed to practice their religion.  So it is typical of Mutawakkil that he totally ignored this and only a little over two hundred years after the death of Muhammad began to target the Jews and Christians.

 He reversed the tolerant attitude towards Christians and Jews that Muhammad had insisted on, and requiring them to wear distinctive dress. In 850, he decreed that all "people of the book" must wear "honey-coloured" hats and belts, churches and synagogue built "after the advent of Islam were to be destroyed," one-tenth of their property confiscated and government posts were closed to them.

Anyone that Mutawakkil felt had offended him, even prior to his reign, was dealt with cruelly.  The former Vizier was tortured in an iron maiden (don’t ask!).   Even a small accident could be costly.  One of his own military commanders stumbled during a drinking session and fell on the caliph, this was enough to have the commander sent to prison without water, killing him slowly and painfully.

Even the oldest religion in the land was not left immune.  Zoroastrianism, established in the 6th century BC, held in deep respect a Cypress tree in Turshiz, Khurasan.  It had been planted at the time of Zoroaster and was thought to be 1450 years old.  Zoroaster (or else his patron King Gushtasp, i.e. Vishtaspa) had actually planted the tree outside a temple. 

“Doing good to others is not a duty. It is a joy, for it increases your own health and happiness.”

Quote from Zoroaster (c.628 - c.551)

This cypress tree was said to be unique in beauty, height, and size. It was considered one of the wonders of Khurasan.  (In case one doubts the ability of the cypress tree to reach such an age, one need only examine the e-Abarkooh – Abarkooh, in Iran.  This is cypress is 4000 years old. see photo above) Al-Mutawakkil was told about this special tree in Khurasan and was anxious to see it.  Typical of the man he ordered that it be cut down and brought to him!  Naturally, when the people of Khurasan heard of his order there was much uproar and they even offered money for its preservation.  Unfortunately, Mutawakkil was not a man to be turned.  The huge tree of such historical and religious significance was hewn down and transported to Mutawakkil’s palace.  It is suitably ironic that the day it arrived at his palace Mutawakkil was stabbed to death at the hand of one of his slaves. 

Lost in Translation - what they really mean

We often hear what others say but do we actually understand?  Here are tips to getting clear translation and free advice on good responses.

When a boyfriend says, referring to an ex, "She means nothing to me!"
translation - he's fixated on this woman, drop him like a hot potato

When a girlfriend says. "My previous boyfriend had many faults but he was generous."
translation - she will bleed you of every penny you have

When a man says, "I am a man of few words"
translation - I have nothing interesting to say

When she says, "Why do you always look at other women?"
translation - beware the green eyed monster, unless you enjoy control, get your ass out of there!

When anyone says any of the following they mean the same

1. 'Sorry I forgot my wallet."
2. "Sorry, I don't have change."
3. "Didn't you say you'd get this?"

translation - they are a mean bastard and you will be expected to pay all bills and be grateful for doing so.

When she asks, "Does my ass look big in this?"
Translation - Do you think I'm getting fat?  Do not tell her she takes after her huge Mum and sisters.  Do not agree.  The only response that is fairly safe is to complain bitterly that she has lost too much weight recently.

When he says, "I've had to sort out your kids!"
translation - he has been agressive towards your children because he is angry with you.

When she says, "I think I've got the prettiest hands."
translation - the rest of me is extraordinarily ugly and in comparison the hands look good.

When he says, "I've a fine physic!"
tranlation - This is always said by the over endowed to those who think otherwise.

When he/she says "You never listen to what I say!"
translation - is invariably said by those whose conversation is akin to a dentist drill.

When he says, "Things may be tricky now but...."
translation - means there is much more bullshit ahead.  Whatever rapids you are encountering now are nothing to the drop ahead.

When he says, "Do you want to finish that?"
translation - the beggar is after your food, fork him immediately!

When he says, "You are very clever!"
translation - I cannot stand intelligent women, dumb down or else!

When he says, "Why have you got that face on?"
translation - this means that you no longer have the right to certain expressions.  The only correct response is a beeline for the nearest exit.

He says, "For goodness sake, for once can you make a decision yourself!"
translation - usually said by an over controlling freak who  is bored by having total control.

She says, "Your trousures are caught up in your socks."
translation -  why did I end up with the smuck?

He says, "I like your hair the way it was."
translation - don't change a hair of your head without consulting me beforehand

I am sure you have your own insights on what is behind the words we hear.  Sorry that on reading this, it came across as rather critical.  People sometimes mean exactly what they say, I am sure.