Showing posts with label private. Show all posts
Showing posts with label private. Show all posts

Thursday, 14 August 2025

Can I show you something private? He said, and it made me afraid

 




It was a peculiar question. My neighbour had looked suddenly shifty. Everything had gone well up to that point. I wanted to apply for my over-65 bus and train ticket. Here in Northern Ireland, when you reach that age, you can travel free on all buses and trains, even down to Dublin! It required someone you were not related to to sign the application form.  So I chose my neighbor two doors down, as we had been reasonably friendly at a distance. We would wave at each other through windows or if passing on foot or as our cars passed, so not exactly friendly, but an acquaintance. After I knocked on my neighbour’s door he'd invited me into his tidy living room. Unusual in my experience to find everything in place with a neat pile of books on the table beside his armchair. His wife had died some years earlier and I'd expected chaos but no, he was obviously a tidy person. More importantly he'd been happy to sign my form and fill in the details after he had found his glasses and his hearing aids. 

I thanked him profusely and was getting ready to leave when he looked at me oddly as if assessing me in some way. Then he walked to his rear door leading away to a back room and paused with his hand on the door and said, 

“Can I show you something private?” 

This I have to admit caused me some alarm as I was not at all sure I wanted him to show me anything private at all. We stood in a strange awkward silence as I wrestled with my gratitude for him signing my form with deep unease about being shown into the rear of his property. He said,

“It will have to be our secret, you understand? 

This sounded even worse. The word private was already triggering alarm bells but keeping secrets was what paedophiles said or serial abusers. A perfectly innocent afternoon was turning into something altogether sinister. He opened the door to his back room and gestured for me to enter. I'd just got comfortable in my neighbours living room after all had never entered his house before this. Everything seemed to be going pear shaped for me. He repeated,

“Come in, come in but don't tell anyone!”

This was said with some vehemance as well as persistence. It was politeness more than anything else that had me following him into his back room. Things could become nasty in a minute and I readied myself. I never pass a dog or a human without wandering if I could kill them if necessary. Yes, odd I know, but my life has taken many unexpected terms and a readiness to defend myself to the death has become part of my nature. 

I find myself ushered into a back room that opened out into a sunroom and in that space were eight full-sized motorbikes. As he showed me around he explained he used to drive the bikes to competitions in his younger days. These great gleaming machines would compete with others up and down the country. The tidy living room now made sense. 

Such meticulous attention to detail has its rewards, no wonder it had become second nature. I also suddenly understood why this had to be kept secret. These bikes were very expensive. People knowing such riches lay in his house could target this pensioner.

I was simply so relieved that there was nothing untoward being planned and enthusatiatically admired each and every model.  We parted real friends not acquaintences. In this world where women are so often targeted by men inappropriately and even voilently how often does politeness do us no favours. It can all too easily be interpreted as willingness or acquiescence by the male. But the whole episode reminded me too that all the men in my life have shown kindness and consideration.  It made me suddenly want to thank each and every male of the species that has demonstrated gentle courtesy to women as if it was our birthright.  There are so many more of such men out there than we think!



Wednesday, 10 November 2021

Alone and a bit lost?


Prayer is such a personal affair.  Perhaps the most personal of all communication. So speaking of it is tricky. After all, if the condition of prayer is communing with God should we even attempt to discuss such a private thing with others?  A good definition is perhaps the best place to start.


"The state of prayer is the best of conditions, for man is then associating with God."


ʻAbdu'l-Bahá


Knowing what we can endure, accept or change is a fundamental part of that critical conversation.


"God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference. "


Reinhold Niebuhr


Prayer has always been much more than asking for things. It has always been even more than just words, it is an act that should have real consequences.  If we pray without subsequently arising to carry out deeds worthy of that divine connection then of what worth are we or our words?


"This is worship: to serve mankind and to minister to the needs of the people. Service is prayer." 


ʻAbdu'l-Bahá


Often prayers are a call of affirmation, or a call for assistance from God and can bring comfort to a soul in trouble and have done so for thousands of years.  We cannot use the following words without thinking of all those before us who have whispered such a heartfelt plea at moments when all seemed hopeless.


Even though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil;

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff–they comfort me.


Psalms 23: 1-6


In this prayer David speaks to God in terms that any shepherd would have found familiar.  Three thousand years ago a shepherd like David carried a rod and a staff to protect his sheep. The rod was a cudgel: a short, thick, heavy stick worn in his shepherd's belt. The staff was usually a long, lightweight pole with a curved end, a crook, that controlled the sheep and kept them safe within the flock.  Both could be used by the shepherd to protect his animals from any predator.  This prayer is a reminder that God’s presence, like the shepherd, is always there to protect and guide us in very real and tangible ways.  The recital of such powerful prayers influences our spirit in ways akin to a cleansing process.  It has been compared to bathing quite beautifully in the following quote.



"Prayer is the inner bath of love into which the soul plunges itself."


St. John Vianney


Those who fill their life with prayer and real service to others recognise that prayer is not a one-sided communication. On the contrary, the most important part of prayer is invariably the silence and listening that follows or even begins communion with God. 


"God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer."


Mother Teresa


There are often too many words in our prayers and a reluctance to really listen. Just as when talking to family and friends it is not the quantity of the conversation that matters but its quality. 


"The most acceptable prayer is the one offered with the utmost spirituality and radiance; its prolongation hath not been and is not beloved by God."


The Báb



A reluctance to pray can be from overconfidence in our own abilities.  Admitting one needs help is not a sign of weakness. Many outstanding individuals have used prayer when they found the challenges facing them beyond endurance.


"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day."


Abraham Lincoln


The prayers of saints can be that potent mixture of communion with God and setting noble goals.


"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

Where there is injury, pardon

Where there is doubt, faith,

Where there is despair, hope,

Where there is darkness, light,

Where there is sadness, joy."

St. Francis of Assisi


Our parents devote much time, energy, and love to us and an expression of gratitude is often the only worthwhile response to that devotion.


"It is seemly that the servant should, after each prayer, supplicate God to bestow mercy and forgiveness upon his parents. Thereupon God’s call will be raised: “Thousand upon thousand of what thou hast asked for thy parents shall be thy recompense!”


The Báb


There can be times when we feel there is no answer to our prayers and God seems very far away.  That can mean that the answer is simply no. Regarding the huge distance, we find ourselves from God the question it prompts is, “Who has moved”? Even the act of turning in the right direction, whatever the response or distance, can bring unexpected blessings.


"A generous prayer is never presented in vain; the petition may be refused, but the petitioner is always, I believe, rewarded by some gracious visitation."


Robert Louis Stevenson


Indeed, sometimes we focus so entirely on the dialogue that we forget the spirit behind such communion is more important than the words.


"It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without heart."


Mahatma Gandhi


The saying “Trust in God, but tie your camel” is a useful practical suggestion. Our actions and spiritual growth can require different motivations.


"Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you."


St. Augustine


Sometimes we just need the simplest and shortest of prayers and this is one that works for me.


"Is there any Remover of difficulties save God?  Say: Praised be God!  He is God!  All are His servants, and all abide by His bidding!"


The Báb