The Shame of it

It is Women's Day and here is a really angry piece I wrote some years back. 

There are times in your life when you know without a shadow of a doubt that something is wrong and everything inside you screams at the injustice of it.  This past week I have watched a brave friend who has been violently abused by her husband for fourteen years find from somewhere the courage to walk away from that house of horror.  She tried to find help from the police from the hospital from doctors from social workers from anyone who would listen.  She carries the two-inch scar on her forehead from where he attacked her last summer.  Her legs are black and blue from his kicks and her spirit beaten down so that she is terrified of him and the violence he is capable of.  Every time a van passes she visibly flinches in case it might be his.  Her hair has turned completely gray in the last year.  From where has she found the courage to leave? 

Because he began to beat her in front of the children.  Even waking up the four and ten year old in the middle of the night so that they could see her be beaten and thrown out of the house.  He realized that sheer violence could not force a mother to leave her children and so he turned that violence and intimidation on to the older son, knowing that she could not bear that.  He has no interest in the older son. Like so many abusers, he has no qualms or morals about who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants.  She did all the legal things.  She went to the lawyer, the police etc etc.  Scared and worried about the consequences, nevertheless she reached out for help. 

The system has not responded.  Action has been filed against him for assault and he has not even been interviewed by the local police.  A few days ago he attacked me in my car and when I too pressed charges against him this too was met with no result.  I know this man has money and position but does that mean he is untouchable?  He has beaten his wife so that the whole side of her face is black and blue.    

This man has attacked others in the past and has a history of violence.  He beat and abused his first wife until she was forced to flee back to Denmark with two children under five.  He has never contributed any financial support to that family and does not even allow the two now grown young men to meet with him, as they requested this year.  This man is without scruples.  He has convinced himself that he is the innocent party and genuinely believes it.  His violence is not a matter of regret; he is proud and feels justified in all that he has done and is doing.  This does not matter.  What he thinks or believes is immaterial.  What matters, is how you and I and the whole system respond.   This bully has got away with his behaviour and is now almost fifty and yet acts like a two-year-old with a tantrum.   I have been to the police I have helped her as much as physically possible.  She is living in my home.  My family is traumatized by the violence and fear they see before them.  She has lost her four year old, her home, and when her ten year old returns from camp, to what horror will he return?  She has been so brave and yet now there appears no option.  Even though she has official custody of the children he is refusing her even a say in what school they attend or where they live. 

All of you seem to shrug your shoulders and say talk it out.  I wish the chief of police here could have been there when she followed his advice and got punched for her pains.  This man is unreasonable and dangerous; the authorities needed to step in and say stop.  They have failed and I want it on record that they and you failed her.  I want the whole community to know what pathetic specimens are out there beating their wives and feeling macho and manly.  Shame on you.  Shame on all of you.  But mostly shame on all of us who fail to help when these victims of abuse actually get off their knees long enough to cry for help.  I want you to hear their cries when you try to sleep at night.  I want you to visualize those children caught up in that abuse who are being twisted and damaged because of your acceptance of what goes on.  Lastly, for you the abuser:  I believe our deeds are written in stones of crystallite and that one day we will answer before God for our deeds.  For your sake I hope you meet some measure of punishment while here on earth to mitigate in some way what will no doubt come.