Started with skirting boards and ended with shoes

 It started many months ago. All I wanted was a bit of paint to touch up the skirting boards in the house, a simple task. However, one tin of white paint seemed to cost a fortune in the local hardware shop. Hesitating at the astronomical cost, I spotted a tiny tube of tester paint. This particular tester had a kind of sponge dispenser on the top. It meant you could squeeze the paint out onto the skirting boards directly without the need for paintbrushes and had possibly just enough paint to do all the skirting boards removing all the unsightly stains. 

As with all such hardware purchases, the leftover tube ended underneath the kitchen sink. After six months I purchased a pair of shoes for my mum. She needs to have wedge heels, with shoelaces and light colours, they also need to be soft and comfortable. The shoes when they arrived were a kind of dirty beige colour. This was disappointing but even more upsetting was the fact that they were far too small for my mum despite being her size! These shoes ended up in the back of the cupboard in the bedroom, one of my least successful purchases. Roll on yet another six months and I purchased on the Internet a shoe stretcher.  I never knew such things existed. This one had rave reviews and when it arrived met all my expectations.  

Feet change shape over the years and this stretcher could account for bunions, corns etc.  You just screw it tightly and leave the shoe overnight and by the next day, the shoe fits like a glove.  I spent a happy few weeks altering every shoe I could lay my hands on in the house.  It looks like a torture device but actually removes pain instead of inflicting it.  I was delighted with this purchase and wondered why I never knew such things existed!  

Of course, the yucky beige shoes were stretched and thankfully fit my mum for quite a while.  But she never got used to the yucky colour and for some reason when they got wet, they looked as if they were suede covered in greasy oil stains.  She stopped wearing them and I stretched them some more until they fit me.  They were light and comfortable but looked horrid. I wore them anyway after all waste not, want not.  Finally, this week I decided to change their colour once and for all.  I was determined not to spend any more money on these stupid cheap shoes.  Thankfully, I remembered the skirting board paint tester and used it on the shoes.  Don’t judge me!  I guess using house paint on shoes is not a good idea but I have reached that age where frankly, am I bothered?  The paint is beginning to crack a little but I am pretty pleased with the whole affair.  

There is joy in reaching an age when

1. There is no one to stop you from crazy ideas

2. You get to mess up and move on

3. Success is in the moment not some time in the future

4. You don’t give up on your mistakes you just reverse up and drive over them again

Table your mistakes, learn from them, then move on.

Confucius

Dear One,

It has been such a special time with you and I have luxuriated in all these moments of fellowship. I cannot be grateful enough for all these gifts of love. The heart-to-heart chats, the beautiful walks, and my young grandchild’s hugs all serve as a wonderful immersion in love. 

These past years of Covid have stolen such meetings from too many. Heart-stopping to think of all the fellowships that ended in permanent separation on this earthly plane. There are no words for those who faced such endings. So, it is with utter gratitude I find myself with loved ones these days. I am appreciative of health to enjoy such company and to have weathered this pandemic. Perhaps some of us have emerged scarred from all that has happened. Changed creatures from what we were before. I feel my brain is not what it used to be. No matter, perhaps recovery will take time. That is my hope and, in the meantime, I relish connections with loved ones that seem to stretch with love past the veil of brain fog and communicate heart-to-heart. I don’t have to be 100% to bask in love and laughter. 

Perhaps love, that cord that stretches even past death, is how we all must hold onto that which is vital. I am enjoying CS Lewis’s diary, who knew his spelling, was almost as bad as mine? When called up to serve in World I he wrote to his father to come and see him before he was shipped off to France. He would subsequently find himself on his 19th birthday on the front lines in the Somme Valley and lose his university flatmate and best friend Paddy Moore on those muddy killing fields. His father didn’t visit, not even when his son returned to hospital in the UK injured from France.  C.S. Lewis’s words on this haunt me dreadfully, “my father was a very peculiar man, in some respects: in non more than an almost pathological hatred of taking any step which involved a break in the dull routine of his daily existence.” How true it is, that we have to sometimes break free from dull routines which blind us to the real priorities. I felt travelling to see you was the break I needed to remind myself of how precious such steps are in all our lives.

“Deal ye one with another with the utmost love and harmony, with friendliness and fellowship . . . This goal excelleth every other goal, and this aspiration is the monarch of all aspirations.”

Bahá’u’lláh

Maurice vomits every morning just slowly until night prevails

Artist's impression of Pluto showing one of its large moons that never sets

In our family, this mnemonic was how we remembered the planets and their order in terms of distance from the sun.  Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto.  My eldest brother Maurice has a sensitive stomach so this saying was close enough to the truth to make it easier to remember.  

Imagine my upset when in 2002 new data processing technologies discovered a series of planet-like objects orbiting the sun close to the orbit of Pluto.  This included Eris, Haumea, Makemake, Gonggong, Quaoar, Sedna and Orcus.  Indeed, one of them Eris is about the same size as Pluto.  However, Pluto is only 1/400th the size of Earth and is even smaller than our moon.  This bunch of objects along with Pluto were renamed dwarf planets instead of planets.  Planets were redefined as objects that met three critical requirements

(a) is in orbit around the Sun

(b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape

(c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.

It is the last of these requirements clearing the space around it that these dwarf planets fail to do.  One look at the Kuiper Belt indicates a failure of good housekeeping, it is far too messy. The strong gravitational field around a real planet serves to either capture, attract or perturb smaller objects around it. Those objects that pass the first two criteria but fail the third were renamed dwarf planets. 

No one really cared about these newcomers being downgraded to dwarf status but for some reason, a lot of people got really upset about Pluto no longer being a proper planet.  Pluto was found to have five moons of its own but did have an unusual orbit. All the other planets have orbits that lie as if on the surface of a plate extending out around the sun but Pluto has this weird tilted orbit going on.  

The Kuiper Belt where Pluto resides is one of the largest structures in our solar system.  It is like a huge donut, vast, mysterious and cold and dark.  Much, much further out there is another structure called the Oort Cloud, a spherical region of icy comet-like bodies and both the Kuiper Belt and the Oort cloud are sources of comets.  

Obviously, Pluto this black sheep of the family, was not only devoid of good housekeeping but deliberately ignoring the basic rules of the solar system.  

All those years ago I resented that my family mnemonic had been messed about by forces beyond our control.  But actually, comets have been having an incredible impact on our solar system over history. Take for example the Chicxulub comet which impacted 66 million years ago in Mexico. It created a crater 93 miles across and 12 miles deep.  It caused the Cretaceous-Paleogene mass extinction of three-quarters of the plant and animal species on Earth.  A recently published scientific paper has managed to connect 5 out of 6 mass extinctions of life with times of enhanced impact cratering on Earth.  The author concluded with the frank but frightening statement, “This cosmic cycle of death and destruction has without doubt affected the history of life on our planet.”

Worryingly Jupiter, which is 300 times the size of the Earth, has been found to act a bit like a huge pinball machine in defecting incoming long-period comets into orbits close to the sun and our vicinity.  Halley’s comet, which comes from the Oort Cloud revisits every 75/76 years and was first recorded in 240 BC and has been recorded since on innumerable other occasions like 1066 on the Bayeux tapestry. Mark Twain famously said he came into the world with the arrival of Halley’s Comet and would go out with the next. In his autobiography, published in 1909, he said,

“I came in with Halley's comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.” 

Twain died on 21 April 1910, the day following the comet's subsequent perihelion.

There are also many other striking features of comets that should be recorded.

The Hale Bopp Comet is large at 35 km in diameter and has a really long orbit.  It passed Earth in 2215 BC and didn't return until 1997.  The next time it comes our way will be 4385, so a long wait.  In the 6th dynasty reign of the Pharaoh Pepi II which coincided with the 2215BC comet appearance, his pyramid has text mentioning a star appearing.  This star is particularly noticeable, after all, it is 6 times the size of Halley's Comet and in its 1997 flyby, it became the brightest comet for decades and was visible for twice as long (18.5 months) as the Great Comet of 1811.  Sadly such evident celestial signs in the sky are often misinterpreted here on Earth.  In the case of the Hale Bopp Comet, 39 members of the Heaven's Gate Movement in the US committed mass suicide in March 1997 with the goal of teleporting to a spaceship they believed to be behind the comet.

In Jan 2004 NASA’s Stardust probe flew within 236km of comet Wild2, which is 5km in diameter, and managed to capture samples from its trail.  These were returned to earth and found to contain glycine a fundamental building block of life. Perhaps comets as well as taking life have also contributed life to planets? 

On 4th July 2005, NASA’s Deep Impact probe fired a washing machine-sized object into the path of the comet Tempel 1.  It created a hole in the comet the size of a football stadium.  This comet is 6km in size and orbits every 5/6 years.

The European Space Probe in 2014 managed to put a lander on the comet Churyumov-Gerasimenko and there is actually a video of what it captured on the surface of this comet!  It blew my mind to see this clip. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/67P/Churyumov%E2%80%93Gerasimenko#/media/File:67P_Churyumov-Gerasimenko_surface.gif

Given that comets and asteroids are prone to come flying Earth’s way with depressing regularity it is heartening to see someone practicing what to do if we manage to spot one on a collision course towards us in time. Just last year in 2022, after 10 months of flying in space, NASA’s Double Asteroid Redirection Test (DART) successfully impacted the asteroid Dimorphos. This asteroid was no danger to us but it proved that it was possible to move an asteroid in space and it succeeded in deflecting its course. You can watch a video of this collision here https://www.nasa.gov/press-release/nasa-s-dart-mission-hits-asteroid-in-first-ever-planetary-defense-test. Perhaps there is a part of you, like me, hoping they don’t nudge one into a collision course with earth while practicing!

Mind you we shouldn’t resent these impacts as there is evidence that a powerful impact on Earth probably created the moon around 4.1-3.8 billion years ago.  Without the moon’s tidal impacts on our sea, life as we know it may not have even begun. As a recent Scientific American article put it, “…the lineages that ultimately gave rise to humans were at first intertidal.”  Without those specific regions of the seashore, that are covered at high tide and uncovered at low tide, the viable condition for life may not have occurred.  Even more compelling is current scientific theories suggesting that all the water on Earth was acquired from water-rich comets or asteroids hurled here by the influence of Jupiter. When we talk of the ‘water of life’ perhaps we need to be grateful for Jupiter’s pinball nature.  Jupiter’s huge gravitational field in some ways also protects Earth as it also acts as the vacuum cleaner of the solar system sucking in some asteroids and comets.  One confirmation of this is the fate of the comet Shoemaker Levy-9 which hit the giant planet Jupiter in 1994.  This struck with the force of 300 million atomic bombs and left traces of water in Jupiter’s atmosphere reinforcing both Jupiter’s protection role but also proving the ability of comets to donate water to planets. 

Possibly, amidst all the chaos of flying objects and collisions, both destructive and constructive, life finds a way.  Perhaps, like in the rest of the Cosmos, things can arrive in our own lives unexpectedly and devastate what we hold dear.  We just have to hope that something in that pain and chaos may contribute to our future growth and development.

“… this endless universe is like the human body, and … all its parts are connected one with another and are linked together in the utmost perfection.”

‘Abdu’l Bahá

Plugged In

 

There is a point when you consult your internet browsing history and are frankly horrified at how plugged in one has become.  More and more of one's day has been wasted on an exhausting examination of breaking news, movies, and that latest third series of episodes of drama you have become strangely addicted to, interspersed with podcasts, social media posting, and viewing endless youtube videos on increasingly obscure topics.  

That this addiction is toxic is apparent from the rabbit holes one goes down. Overall, it is a little depressing that 86% of adults spend an average of 3 hours and 37 mins online each day (Ofcom figures).  But this level of addiction is to be expected as youtube's sophisticated technology recommends videos based on your viewing history to entice you to keep watching.  Internet browsing has definitely had a negative impact on my sleep.  

I actually never thought about sleep at all until I passed sixty.  Then, instead of blissful sleep, there came various stages of sleeplessness.  The first was not being able to get to sleep and endless hours tossing and turning to try and find the mystical perfect position that might bring oblivion.  The second was not only difficulty in getting to sleep but also waking up in the early hours of the morning and having a full breakfast at 3 or 4 am.  Usually, after toast and a full pot of tea, I would be able to fall back into bed and sleep.  Then, a different stage was reached where I did not sleep the whole night!  The day after this sleepless night I dragged myself around as if I had a mortal wound allowing my lifeblood to gradually drain away. The next night in recovery mode I would sleep the sleep of the just, deep, long, and life-affirming.  I foolishly thought this sleeplessness business had reached its worse stage however a new terrifying stage awaited me.  

Not only did I not sleep the entire night but even the following night.  After two sleepless nights in a row, a strange change in my mental state occurred.  I began to fear twilight, that signal of the coming night.  Now sleeplessness was not just a torment during the night but the tail end of the day was filled with dread at the forthcoming night!  The horrid thing about sleeplessness is the places one's mind goes to when you are sleep deprived.  Simply everything takes on a dark hue like the night.  The thoughts become darker, the future more dire and the very worst of memories resurrect themselves repeatedly. As William Shakespeare so eloquently put it,

"Care keeps his watch in every old man’s eye,

And where care lodges, sleep will never lie.”

So, why is this piece labeled unplugged?  I made a great discovery just when all seemed to have reached a crescendo.  I left my laptop outside the bedroom and sleep like a child once more.  I thought it was a fluke but have so far found myself returning to pre-sixty levels of blissful sleep.  It may not last and I hesitate to pronounce victory so soon.  After all, sleep is not just one battle it is more like a war!  But,  in case you too, like me are addicted to 'input' of all sorts and find yourself sleep-deprived I share my tip.  Do yourself a favour and check your browsing history and ask yourself honestly how much of it is adding to the quality of your life.  If you have tips of your own to share with me on these topics please do share.  I am anxious to learn a better path forward.  May I end by wishing you the very best of night's sleep!

 

A Constant Friend

 

Dear Del,

You have been my childhood companion in anorak and swimsuit holidays in the rain. 

A constant friend on those first exhilarating trips abroad as teenagers. 

Wherever I’ve been, in good times and bad you’ve been there. 

Making the effort to visit, call or write. 

Using every means to bridge the distance that life at times creates. 

You’ve always been generous and kind. 

I remember on my 50th birthday you took to took me to my first-ever spa experience and I sucked up the novelty of being pampered head to toe. 

I treasure a photo of us in our teens dancing together in the ankle-deep waves of the Med laughing and having the time of our lives. 

Most of all I remember standing at a loved one’s grave and feeling as if my heart was being lowered into a deep dark hole. 

I cried my pain and my loss. 

And across the grave, among the many in the crowded graveyard, I saw my pain reflected clearly in your eyes.

Concern love, sympathy, and empathy were all there. 

During my childhood, in turbulent adolescence and challenging adulthood, you have ever been at my side a loyal friend to face the joy and the shadows. 

I will ever remember that both at the happiest of times and the unspeakable moments you were there, really there for me.  

Thanks for reminding me what friendship and family mean.

with love from your cousin

Colette

Electric Fences, pigs and the shocks in life

I had walked along the seafront in Rhodes on my way to tutor a student who lived a good fifty minutes from where I lived.  Not only that, but the last 30 mins were up a very steep hill that made the heart speed up.  To add insult to injury just halfway into my walk I tripped over an uneven paving stone and twisted my ankle.   Lying in a crumpled heap a passing good-natured group of young tourists lifted me up and carried me to a nearby bench.  Their support was really appreciated but after they left I realised that I would have to continue on my way to work.  Strangely after 15 minutes of walking gingerly, the severe pain in my ankle had subsided to only an ache and I could even manage the final steep climb.  

My student lived in a wealthy area on a ridge above the town.  As you get higher up the hill the houses grow in size and opulence.  Swimming pools grow large and the villas spread out over more land and gardens.  My student’s house even has a security gate at the front and gaining access involved endless buzzers and video doorbells on both the outer garden wall entrance and front door.  My lesson took place in a huge living room that held four complete sets of armchairs and sofas in different positions scattered across the thick piled carpet.  Their housekeeper asks us if we want coffee/tea and a snack.  My student is a sulky teenager and he demands a toasted sandwich with an expresso coffee. I say “nothing, thanks”.  Having never had servants I resent this middle-aged Asian woman having to take orders from this bad-tempered teen.  It makes me want to smack him.

Totally unfair I know but, on a day, when I have had to walk with a sore ankle up steep hills to work for obscenely rich people in their penthouse villa with a massive pool my mental irritation seems to trump my physical discomfort.  His younger brother is watching a video, on a massive screen the size of a wall, of killer whales attacking a seal on an ice flow.  

It shocks me that so often rich people’s kids are often so unhappy and resentful.  It shouldn’t, so many things are given to them that the excess seems to have leeched all happiness out of their veins.  It is as if having so much feeds a growing desire to have much more and they perversely feel deprived constantly.  I have observed it in many cultures and this teenager’s constant whining and complaining was not a surprise to me.  Neither was his parent’s constant guilt towards him.  This too I had come across often.  His mother treated her sixteen-year-old with exaggerated care and concern handling him like an unexploded ordinance.   It was of immense satisfaction for me to give these spoilt teenagers a different sort of treatment from what they usually expected.  

In my experience, a parent's guilt acts as rocket fuel for self-pity in teenagers.  I apply the foam extinguisher of ‘not giving a rat’s ass’ and follow it up with the electric fence of high expectations.  During our hour together, I make him work his socks off, and however hard he applies himself I radiate disappointment that he is far below the standard I expect of him.  Such students are so unused to this treatment they try all kinds of distraction/coping strategies.  Whatever they come up with it is vital to keep one’s own composure and to quickly rip off whatever protection they try and apply.  In my experience the faster you react the less chance they have to feel secure about the whole interaction. In fact, keeping such students off balance is exactly what keeps the lesson on track.  

I’m sure there are more knowledgeable ways to make this situation work but my method has the advantage that I quite enjoy their discomfort and lack of control.  It helps that I had only brothers growing up and have three sons of my own and each and every one of them had brains to burn as they say.  Such exposure makes you learn to be pragmatic and to focus only on what is effective in such interactions.  

As a father of a friend of mine said during a speech at his son’s wedding, “You all know Christopher!  He met Yolanda at primary school and decided within a week that she was the one he would marry.  We made him wait until he finished secondary school but you all know Christopher, trying to get him to change his direction is like trying to turn a pig at a gate!”  The farming audience howled in laughter, most having faced many a stubborn pig in their days.  My grandfather reared pigs and I knew all about them having been chased down lanes by his monsters many times.  Trying to get a pig not to go through an open gate was impossible.  My grandfather’s solution was to use electric fences and these usually did the job. However, he had one very bad-tempered boar that just got furious at the shocks from the electric fence and demolished both it and the gate behind it.  

My childhood was full of electric shocks.  When I was a child my grandfather would ask me to take a metal bucket from him in the field and have his hand, behind his back, on the live electric fence.  I would instantly feel the painful shock of electricity blast through me.  He was clever to use other methods to distract me and I remember having to learn to outthink him to avoid getting such shocks.  Years later I remember visiting the farm to find my elderly grandfather in an armchair, no longer so mobile. I introduced my eldest 3-year-old son to him.  My grandfather greeted him warmly and then hauled out his false teeth and set them dramatically on the small table in front of him.  My son ran howling in fear from the room and refused to even enter the room again.  I found myself amused, Granda hadn’t changed and we all just learned to accept the funny unique style of this guy.  My sons would have to learn that lesson too.  They all grew to love him as much as we did. Life takes all of us by surprise at times but it sure helps to learn a bit of robustness early on.  It makes everything else that follows a little easier.

I found when I left the villa my ankle was in agony, being seated had allowed time for the thing to swell.  I limped down the steep hill in front of plush gardens and huge cars to the nearest bus stop.  By the time I got there, I wanted to cry with the pain but sat on the seats in front of the bus stop relieved to be sitting at least.  There were two benches and on the other bench further up the street sat a young school girl with her school bag on the ground in front of her. 

A group of youths appeared pushing and shoving each other and shouting at the bus stop.  They had drinks and became louder and more noticeable.  When would this darn bus come, I thought? One of the youths approached the schoolgirl and started laughing putting his face down close to hers.  She backed away into the seat and he immediately picked up her school bag and tossed it to one of his friends.  Her distress was clear but they were having a great time tossing it between them and laughing.  She didn’t try and get her bag back, she just sat very still.  

Another boy sauntered over and sat down beside her and put his arm along the back of the bench behind her shoulder.  She moved along the bench away from him and there was a chorus of laughter from his mates who were holding out her bag asking her to come and get it.  I was tired and I was in pain but I had had enough.  I limped over to the other bench and sat in the space between the boy and the young girl.  Then, I took my shoe and sock off to inspect the damage I’d done to my ankle. It was hugely swollen and a very odd colour indeed.  I told the boy to move and put my ankle on the bench where he had been sitting.  Just having it elevated brought huge relief.  Now, I just had to worry about getting the sock and shoe back on if the bus came.  

My presence had ruined the gang’s fun and there was an embarrassing moment where they looked at the girl and then at my ankle and then at each other.  One brought her schoolbag reluctantly and dropped it at her feet before drifting back to his mates.  The schoolgirl lifted her bag and hugged it to herself in relief. Nothing was said, nothing needed to be.  Sometimes actions speak louder than words.  In my mind, I remembered my grandfather’s electric fences, his stubborn pigs, and the effectiveness of a bit of a shock in changing perspectives.  

Missing Moon Memo Found 25 years later

I was eleven years old when on July 20 1969, Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin walked on the moon. I remember the awe of that landing and the epic line, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”  

Truth be told, things did not go totally to plan. It turned out that there was a problem with how the Service Module separated from the Command Module before landing. Instead of these two fully separating and going off on different trajectories to avoid any possibility of collision, the Service Module burnt up very close to the Command Module and was actually visible to Buzz Aldrin on board. They were just very fortunate that, despite this closeness, none of the debris resulting from the Service Module's re-entry impacted the Command Module. This was not the only near miss. 

US Air Force Captain Hank Brandli had found, via top-secret spy satellite images, that a storm front was imminent in the Apollo recovery area. There mean that there was a distinct possibility of powerful upper-level winds ripping their parachutes to shreds during descent. Poor visibility, due to the storm, would also substantially reduce their ability to find the Apollo 11 capsule even if it did manage to land in one piece. Thankfully, two individuals on the ground put their careers on the line by taking the decision to move the landing point 215 nautical miles (398 km) northeast avoiding the storm front. This change meant altering the flight plans last minute involving a different sequence of computer programs never before attempted.

All of this meant things could have easily ended in disaster rather than incredible success. The Moon landing is a tale of heroism and bravery. But the American authorities were not blind to the chances of things ending very differently. An extraordinary memo was discovered 25 years after the landing in the US National Archives. It was written by Nixon’s then speechwriter William Safire and sent to President Nixon’s Chief of Staff, H.R. Haldeman to be used in the event of a disaster that would maroon the astronauts on the moon. Its content is given below. 

  IN EVENT OF MOON DISASTER: Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace. 

These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery. But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice. 

 These two men are laying down their lives in mankind's most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding. 

 They will be mourned by their families and friends; they will be mourned by their nation; they will be mourned by the people of the world; they will be mourned by a Mother Earth that dared send two of her sons into the unknown. 

 In their exploration, they stirred the people of the world to feel as one; in their sacrifice, they bind more tightly the brotherhood of man. 

 In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood. 

 Others will follow, and surely find their way home. Man's search will not be denied. But these men were the first, and they will remain the foremost in our hearts. 

 For every human being who looks up at the moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever mankind. 

 PRIOR TO THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT: The President should telephone each of the widows-to-be. 

AFTER THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT, AT THE POINT WHEN NASA ENDS COMMUNICATIONS WITH THE MEN: 

 A clergyman should adopt the same procedure as a burial at sea, commending their souls to "the deepest of the deep, " concluding with the Lord's Prayer.