Godspeed!

I tire of me do you tire of you? 

All the plans to improve and refine feel like feather chisels on rock. 

The ‘me’ remains unchanged. 

Stubborn and dark, unflinching in the face of a mighty desire for change. 

At times there is a small movement the boulder begins to shift, 

to turn agonisingly and roll up the steep slope. 

You feel the excitement of real change! 

I may not carve on this granite surface 

but perhaps I can elevate it 

with my shoulder to the edifice,

I feel momentum build. 

You have overcome the power of inertia and gained traction at last. 

The heart is exalted, 

what is not possible now? 

Then, your foot slips,

the boulder jerks back and runs down the hill. 

Laughing at its sudden freedom. 

You sink onto your knees in despair. 

All that effort and there is the result. 

The granite ‘you’ is even lower down the hill than when you began. 

It’s hard to begin the trudge downwards to begin again. 

But you will! 

This constant effort will take time and break your heart many times. 

You will want to give up many times,

and grow so strong in tackling this task

that you will barely recognise yourself. 

Such is life, Godspeed!

Alchemy of love

My son attended a parent-teacher meeting this week and the P1 teacher waxed lyrical about his youngest child. She pointed out that he was exceptionally loving and kind. Always full of joy and eager to volunteer in activities. The teacher said that a new Spanish student who spoke absolutely no English had joined their class and our grandson had appointed himself her guide and led her from one activity to another by hand. Floored by all this praise my son pushed the teacher to let him know what areas my grandson still needed to focus on and improve. Reluctantly, the teacher pointed out that he had not yet mastered the skill of holding a pencil! How sweet was that Scottish P1 teacher to focus on only the positives. A hug to all the hard-working teachers whose kindness and perceptions help rear noble souls.

My uncle in New Zealand is practically blind and every Friday his in-laws hold an evening meal where everyone starts the event by stating one thing they are particularly grateful for that week. All ages participate even the three-year year-old twins.  What a lovely way to end the week in such a positive tone. My uncle’s contribution was his gratitude for a young man who had spotted my uncle trying to navigate his way into a toilet cubicle in a busy restaurant. Realising he was finding it tricky the young guy helped him locate the door handle and even opened it. Then, when my uncle had finished, the same young man waited outside the cubicle and escorted him to the taps and then the dryer. My uncle said this unexpected kindness filled him with hope for this younger generation. A big thanks to the youth out there who have not forgotten to care for the vulnerable and provide a lesson to the rest of us.

Finally, I attended the funeral of a dear friend of mine from Omagh this year. She was one of those quiet folks whose presence was always strangely comforting. The funeral was high in the mountains in a forest 7 miles from the town. I had to trust the Sat Nav to find it along twisting forest roads. The venue was well hidden along a path in the woods. Despite this, I was shocked to find the room was absolutely packed with people. In fact, the staff kept having to add extra rows of chairs, one after another as more people flooded in. Just when they thought that that was it, another crowd arrived to pay their respects. So eventually wall-to-wall with others standing in the doorway and corridors they carried in the coffin and the entire room rose as one to their feet in silence as she was carried to the front of the room. Speaker after speaker spoke about her kindness and quietness. How acts of thoughtfulness were practised by her as a normal routine that had touched so many. We all became aware of just what a giant of love we had lost. The feeling of gratitude for a life well lived grew. 

Much thanks to all those quiet, selfless souls that operate beneath the radar but work their special alchemy of love in hearts across the world.

"Do not be content with showing friendship in words alone, let your heart burn with loving-kindness for all who may cross your path."

ʻAbdu'l-Bahá

Gertrude Remembered

I know it is sad to stand at a funeral and remember someone but in Gertrude’s case, she was really ready “to go to sleep and not wake up”, as she put it. She was indomitable and single-minded and not the confused elderly woman people often thought she was at first sight. I remember one ambulance man speaking over her head to me asking “Does she understand anything?” and Gertrude responding instantly in an annoyed, clear voice “I could buy and sell you!” She was over 104 and could remember sitting in the very first car in the town. There is a picture of her as a young girl in Portrush in the backseat of one of those early huge open-topped vehicles in the local chemist’s shop. Her father was chief fireman in Londonderry and she remembered the horse-drawn fire engines of those days. 

She had lived through both wars, was educated in Trinity College, Dublin and was fluent in both French and German. She ran her own private school in Portrush for many years and set herself high standards that students were expected to maintain. She was a good artist and could draw exceptionally well and wrote stories for children. Her carpentry was equally impressive. She made a wooden box for her father’s medals (and epaulettes) with a special glass front.  If you wanted to know more about Gertrude you had only to look at her handmade toolbox with each spotless instrument in its place positioned precisely.

Her attention to order in drawers and cupboards was extraordinary and when I would often tease her about the dust over every surface she replied that she did not mind the dust but everything had to be in its proper place. She knew every state in the US, the weather zones in the UK and the phone numbers of everyone she knew by heart. She was blessed with a fine mind and it never failed her not even to the last weeks of her life. Always clear, always articulate.

She kept us in the dark about her age, took 10 years off, and never received the Queen's card on turning a hundred. We all went on thinking of her as 10 years younger than she really was and she got away with this without any questions. The love of her life never returned from World War II and I often wondered if he had survived would she have gone on to have her own family and lead a completely different life? Wars take away so much from so many and even decades later loss and damage are still felt.

Gertrude always believed in the Big Bang Theory and felt that there was nothing after death. She wanted to believe there was an afterlife but could not rationally accept it. But she loved to hear others speak of heaven, to be assured of its existence and to have hope that she would meet those she had loved and lost in this life again. It is my prayer that she will be enjoying a reunion with her dearly loved father and other family and friends as well as her young lost love as we gather here to remember her and wish her well.

When our days are drawing to a close let us think of the eternal worlds, and we shall be full of joy!

‘Abdu’l-Bahá

storms

 

Spray painted for going out with the other side?

 

My Father had a scratch on his car and I figured I was the one to fix it. Having confidence but zero experience I sanded the surface smooth, used filler and then sanded again until it felt scratch-free once more. Satisfied that it was now time to apply the undercoat of paint I sensed I was on the last leg of this task and felt things were going really well. I retrieved the spray tin of paint that matched the metallic green of the car. My father had bought it some time ago to cover up the odd bang from shopping trolleys. It was an old tin and the nozzle had broken on the top. 

I quickly found another one from a different spray can and after removing the broken bit pushed the working one into place. Unfortunately, the can immediately sprayed across my face in a horizontal green stripe. It was like someone had painted a green bandana across my eyes from one side to the other.  The pain was extraordinary as the metallic paint got into my eyes.  Until that moment I was blissfully unaware that metallic paint is called this because it has roughly 1-part powdered metal to 50 parts paint.  I staggered into the house and frightened the life of my parents who could instantly see they had a problem on their hands.  My father ushered me quickly into the car I had just been working on and rushed me to the nearest hospital to Dungiven, which is Altnagelvin Hospital in Derry about 20 miles away.

We ended up in the busy A and E department which was packed with people all seeking help from medical personnel.  I couldn’t see them, as my eyes were tightly shut, but I could hear their voices and the busyness of the environment.  My father began explaining to those around us what had happened.  He took great pains to explain I had been working on his car when this accident had happened and added unnecessary details like the metallic green colour of his car and the spray tin.  Being in a lot of pain I was bewildered that over time as people left to be triaged and new occupants arrived in the A and E my father continued to retell the same story to this new captive audience.  Feeling embarrassed at what happened I began to resent the retelling of the disastrous paint job to so many strangers.  

Then the penny suddenly dropped.  At that time of the Troubles, as we called it, girls who went out with those of the opposite persuasion (ie Catholic or Protestant) were routinely tied up against lampposts or gates and covered in paint (green or orange) to shame them. My father was retelling the car fixing story as the majority of people in the A and E would automatically think I had been having a dalliance with someone across the cultural divide and had been punished accordingly.  

The green paint indicated to all that I was a protestant who had gone out with a catholic and had been punished for my sins.  This realisation changed things considerably for me.  Being eighteen and never having had a boyfriend of any persuasion I began to feel, despite the pain in my eyes, that I had accomplished a new status.  These people suspected that I had been having an affair and despite it not being true I felt their suspicions were a sign of confidence that I could be someone who could have hung out with some guy!  

On some strange level, I felt my station was higher than it had been earlier that morning before all this had happened.  I perversely wished I had dressed better for this outing and perhaps at least brushed my hair to suit the role they suspected.  The doctor in A and E carefully removed the green metallic pieces from my eyes using a long-handled cotton bud and it was amazing how many he had to take out.  He wasn’t concerned with the paint across my face, as he said it would wear off eventually.  So, I left the busy hospital with my eyes pain-free and a green strip across my face feeling like a new quite desirable woman.  It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good!

Labours of Hercules and lessons learned

King Eurystheus set Hercules originally ten monumental tasks to achieve. Despite these being incredibly difficult, King Euythesus ultimately added two extra labours. He claimed Hercules had got help from others to accomplish one task and received payment for another.  In the legend, the king comes across as a petulant, frightened and mean-spirited man while the hero Hercules shines forth as an incredibly brave and heroic figure tackling unimaginable horrors to achieve victory despite the odds. Here, I look at just six of his tasks to see if there are lessons from these that can help us today.

Slaying the Nemean lion

The lion had fur that protected it from all arrows and Heracles, in order to kill the animal, had to lure it into a cave and block its entrance.  There in the darkness at close quarters he was eventually able to club and strangle the lion.  To skin the lion he had to use the animal's own claws as nothing else was powerful enough to cut through.  He was able to use the lion skin as a coat and use its protection in future tasks.

Lesson 1 

Sometimes in order to achieve your objective you must create an environment that suits your particular skills.  The more you accomplish the more informed you become at knowing how and where to make your stand.  

You can take from any conflict or achievement vital tools that will help you in future challenges.  If navigated well, even unexpected developments can help you emerge a stronger and more competent person.

Hydra-nine headed monster

Heracles covered his mouth and nose with a cloth to protect himself from the nine-headed Hydra monster’s poisonous fumes. Heracles discovered that when he successfully cut off one head two more heads grew in its place.  The only way to disarm the monster was to not only cut off the head but also to cauterise the remaining neck with a firebrand.  Heracles was assisted in this task by his nephew and although he succeeded Eurystheus used the fact that Heracles had not acted alone to justify adding an extra task.  By dipping his arrows in the Hydra's poisonous blood he managed to make his weapons much more powerful.

Lesson 2 

At times the environment in which you must work is so toxic you need to protect yourself to survive it.  Such a poisonous atmosphere needs to be recognised to stop it from overpowering you and making you incapable of functioning at all.

Tests often come back at you again and again.  Striking repeatedly and viciously they can even grow stronger and more numerous.  When this happens, it is important to spot the similar source of difficulties and take remedial action to avoid future repetition.   Simple instant removal will not suffice and a longer-acting permanent process needs to be put in place.

You will often need friends or colleagues to help you overcome such situations and it may be necessary to have the humility to accept such help despite any complications their assistance may through up.

The good news is that overcoming such a pernicious situation leaves you with an exceptionally potent remedy for future adversaries.

Capturing the Ceryneian Hind

Because of its sacred nature, Heracles did not want to hurt the hind and so had to be patient in this task.  It took over a year for him to achieve this task.  It is said he used nets to capture it while it slept and when he returned to Eurystheus with the hind he was reluctant to give it to the king who wanted to keep it in his collection of animals at the palace.  Hercules cleverly called for the king to come and get the hind himself and when the king emerged from the palace he let the animal run off freely.

Lesson 3

Destroying something is much easier and faster than keeping a thing alive. However, such wanton destruction has consequences and you need to recognise that some goals are not worth all the anguish and pain they entail.  If at the end of a lot of effort and time you have not injured or damaged something precious take that as a job well done not a failure.

Capturing the Erymanthian Boar

Hercules caught the boar by shouting and chased it from the thicket into deep snow. Eventually, the boar was totally exhausted and Hercules was able to bind it with chains. When he reached king Eurystheus with the boar on his shoulder Hercules threw the boar at his feet and the king was so terrified he hid himself in a bronze vessel to escape danger.

Lesson 4

Humans can outpace almost any other animal on the planet, including even cheetahs, horses, and wolves in an endurance race.  It is your stamina that may make all the difference in many challenging situations.  That ability to persevere will mean even a stronger opponent can be beaten especially when they are pushed into unfamiliar landscapes.

Those in charge of us are sometimes not worthy of the role they choose to play and hide from their responsibilities.

Cleaning the Augean stables in a single day

Hercules's next task was a humiliating one. He was instructed to clean the huge Augean stables, which had over 3000 oxen and had not been cleaned in over three decades.  This would have been an impossible task for one person but Heracles succeeded by cleverly rerouting the rivers Alpheus and Peneus to wash out the filth.

Lesson 5

When dealing with huge quantities of shit and with little time to dig it out you need to be creative.  Sometimes the solution is not getting bad stuff out but putting good stuff in.  Even in our own lives instead of constantly being depressed by all that we dislike in our lives get busy filling it with something good and worthwhile instead. 

Slaying the Stymphalian birds

The Stymphalian birds were man-eating birds with beaks of bronze, sharp metallic feathers they could launch at their victims, and poisonous dung. They had migrated to a marsh in Arcadia to escape a pack of wolves. They swarmed over the countryside, destroying crops, fruit trees, and townspeople.  Hercules could not enter the marsh as he would sink into the soggy ground so he used a rattle to make a loud sound and this drove the birds high into the sky.  He was able to shoot some of them with his poisonous arrows and take them back to the king as proof that he had achieved his mission.

Lesson 6

Even those who are terrifying to us are invariably scared of some other thing.  

When you cannot enter a dangerous area to achieve a difficult objective then start by driving your opponent, through distraction, to a more beneficial zone for you.  Once you have achieved that use the potent skills you have already acquired to eradicate the problem. 

There are many other tasks Hercules undertook and many other lessons to be learned from all of them but I grew weary of my task and decided to stop at the sixth.  Knowing when to stop is another valuable lesson!  The reason Hercules had to undertake all these tasks was because he had killed his wife and children and the deeds were set as a form of atonement.  Surely that itself is the mightiest lesson of all.  Don’t harm those nearest and dearest to you because you end up spending the rest of your life fighting demons and monsters, like yourself!

Breaking things

 

It came yesterday, borrowed from a relative, and stirred up old forgotten memories.

Of struggling to thread up a pedal singer sewing machine in primary school. 

Those days of being taught knitting and sewing at school have long passed. 

In my day, we spent hours and hours knitting cushion covers or sewing pin cushions. 

I was the class expert in breaking the needles in the sewing machine, 

and our teacher hated my unnatural skill. 

Even my knitting was hit-and-miss. 

It seemed to become tighter and tighter until I was strangling wool and needles. 

My sewing was so bad on the machine that when I did get it going, 

I refused to change the bobbin and thread and did everything with the one colour. Delighted to paddle and zoom in freedom.

At such moments I would have loved to have never-ending curtains of material to feed through the capricious machine. 

Instead, always someone else was waiting to use the machine behind me.

When the needle broke as usual I could hear their despair

I quickly left them to the disaster

Machines are capricious things like people.

Usually broken by others.

There was a flow chart in our engineering department on how to deal with a broken machine.  It always made me laugh.