There are moments when you’re called upon
to undertake some deed. Many times, you may feel overwhelmed by your own inadequacies
as you take up your position on the battlefield of life.
I recall when
six months pregnant being summoned to look after a lovely relative who had had
a stroke while living in the south of England. Flying from Northern Ireland to
the UK I managed to fill all six sick bags across the entire row of seats at
the back of the plane. I’ve never been
sure why my pregnant self decided to be so sick. Even during morning sickness,
much earlier in the pregnancy, my body had felt nauseous but had refused to
regurgitate valuable food. In fact, in all cases of food poisoning in our
family, usually the result of a takeaway, my constitution was like that of my
dad’s. While the rest of my sickened
family cleared out their systems by one end or the other (i.e. vomiting or diarrhoea),
our systems perversely decided our bodies could handle the toxicity and extract
some useful nutrition from the poison we had ingested. To this day I have no idea why my stomach
decided on performing like something from The Exorcist but I still remember the
horrified expressions of my fellow passengers fighting to provide me with
enough bags to contain the huge quantities of carrot coloured lumpy porridge I projected.
I was also well
aware of being under-qualified for the task ahead which would involve caring, cooking
and moderate housekeeping. I decided to camouflage my deficiencies by faking
proficiency in these areas. This
strategy consisted of
1. Turning the vacuum cleaner on
for half an hour a day so that my relative, who was bedridden, would be
comforted by the evident housecleaning going on below. I must confess I did not
move the vacuum cleaner just turned it on daily, downstairs. In my defence when
I started this practice there was a definite improvement in my patient’s demeanour
who seemed disproportionately happier and more grateful.
2.
My tasteless meals were
presented as being lighter on the stomach and easier to digest. In fact, my farola (finely-milled semolina) pudding dish became a staple favourite as my relative mentioned she had never
been served this their entire life. Either that or she was too polite to
complain about the food served. Come to think of it that seems much more likely
explanation.
3.
My sweet relative knew that
other family members around the world were worried to death about her. So, a
daily task of mine was writing letters to distant relatives and friends. She
would dictate and I would write and subsequently post these missives. She would
insist on praising my housekeeping skills, my cooking and my kindness in every
letter sent. As she had relatives in almost every continent I felt at times I
was undertaking a one-woman self-promotion of sainthood campaign. At times there I would blush in embarrassment
as I wrote my own praises. But even this letter writing seemed to bring the
patient pleasure and the avalanche of responses that arrived in the following
days and weeks brought welcome messages of love and concern that were
sustaining as regular blood transfusions for my patient.
Thankfully she
made a full recovery. Eventually, I confessed my vacuuming trick. When she regained
mobility, I had to! She spent the next
month trying to tidy and clean her house and find where I had put stuff in her
kitchen. These activities I told myself also speeded her long-term recovery.
She was always
very grateful and thankful for my presence during her illness and the lesson
learned for me was, even when poorly prepared and totally inadequate, just
showing up on the battlefield wins you a medal of sorts. Sometimes it’s not
about your abilities but about being there for others. I can look back now and wish I had been more
effective and useful but her sweet response to my incompetence taught me so
much. If we stop wasting time thinking about
our inadequacies we can probably achieve so much more.
“Let no
excessive self-criticism or any feelings of inadequacy, inability or
inexperience hinder you …..”
Riḍván Message 152, Universal House of Justice
