Patchwork quilt journeys and lessons learned

It seems surreal to be sitting back in Malta on my favourite bench, enjoying the sound of the sea and blue skies above, after an absence of almost 3 months. Travelling leaves little time for writing. Family time must be savoured wholly not crammed in between tasks. At least when I travel that's the mode that seems to operate best for me.

Now I sit and digest the experience of the past months. Savouring time with my mum in Northern Ireland where the pace of life is slow. There is a focus on gardening, eliminating weeds and tending borders. Her home is ordered and tidy with even cupboard contents and drawers all lined up with military precision. There is a never-ending battle with dirt and grime but she has fought these foes for seven decades and has honed her techniques. I looked on in amazement as she tackles the tasks of the day. At almost 85 she does not measure her energy levels and recalibrates the duties of the day. No, she looks at the goals needing to be accomplished and just goes and goes until they are completed. Even if afterwards she has to collapse in her armchair, it is with a deep sense of satisfaction – her tasks completed.

I look on in amazement. I am not like this. A book, a thought, a walk comes into my orbit and I down tools, instantly distracted. My tidiness is purely superficial. Examine the cupboard or a drawer in my home and you will find evidence of the chaos that permeates this universe.

Perhaps my writing is also my chaos. This trip has fuelled a thousand thoughts but none of them fully formed. I'll share some of them in the hope that they will give a patchwork quilt of these months.

A close friend has spent weeks in a mountain house in southern France. Situated in an idyllic hamlet overlooking spectacular views, it has proved the perfect antidote to years in the Paris city centre. Normally hard-working and ever up to speed with the virtual world he has had to cope with no Wi-Fi. The shocking change of place and pace from a hectic dirty city to the silence of the hillside and the buzz of insects and happy birds. He took to whittling, carving odd-shaped wooden light sabres and became engrossed in moss removal from old stone flagstones.  Both, he told me were the pastimes of paradise. Interspersed with meals and coffee on the table positioned outside to soak up the views.  Reading books was the main entertainment and with what excitement did he share their contents. Afterwards, I sighed in remembrance of days past when a slower pace of life allowed us time to digest what we read. Not this fetid immediacy of media assault online. 

The permanent indigestion of too much input dulls the senses. It's good to be reminded of other times, other places, other ways.

My other joy during this trip was to spend time with my grandsons in England. After two months of endless rain all summer in Northern Ireland it was shocking to discover that Folkestone still had proper summers. Even in September, the sun shone and school kids wore shorts to school. As my son his wife both work in London, my mission this trip was to accompany my four-year-old grandson in his first three weeks of big school.  I also had his two-year-old brother to care for. It was somehow weird pushing a toddler in the buggy and holding the hand of a small school child again after three decades. Given that I hated school myself it was with some trepidation I took on this epic task. Fortunately, Charlie made the job much easier being almost eager to run through the school gates. Other parents or guardians had weeping youngsters to disengage from while Charlie never even looked back. He explained patiently to his younger brother that he was going to school and would be back in three hours to see him, so he was not to worry. Then he’d turn on his heel and scurry into school.

I was left with ample opportunity to notice the tears unshed in parents’ eyes as they faced this cruel test - the first separation. Some mothers stayed on, ages after the school gates had closed in case a familiar head appeared above the window ledge in the classroom.

One father had adopted a prolonged waving goodbye ritual to his daughter.  She was a  tiny fragile figure who waddled slowly and reluctantly towards the classroom door. He climbed the school gate so that she could still see him waving even from a distance. She would occasionally stop, shoulders slumped in apparent despair and turn to look back sadly at her dad. This would engender a huge arm waving movement and shouts of  “have a grand day Leanne, I love you!! “ Not easy to do, halfway up a six-foot metal gate. His forced good humour and bonhomie would end with her entering the classroom. Then, he'd suddenly be silent all emotion leaving his face. He would drop down from his perch on the gate and walk hastily away. It's hard for dads, mostly it is mothers at the school gates and they tend to chat in bunches with other mothers. Comparing notes on how first days at school are doing. Remembering coats, water bottles and school bags. Hugging their children, they reluctantly let them go.

Fathers tended to festoon children rather like preparing them for battle. School bag over head and shoulder, coat over the other arm as if supplying armaments for the day ahead.  I noticed one morning, an older boy (P3?) waiting for the school gates to open. A crowd of older students stood waiting impatiently laughing together.   The P3 student was tall for his age and had his foot on his scooter. Strange that they have come back into fashion those odd-looking contraptions from my childhood. 

As he waited, he rocked to and fro on the scooter. A little bit overweight with thick glasses he seemed absent-minded. He didn't even notice a group of mothers behind him waiting with the youngest children hand-in-hand, his scooter almost hit one mother behind him and she scolded him whispering disapprovingly to the other mothers beside her. Suddenly, the scooter slipped up the gate. Perhaps the pushing crowd put him off balance and he fell awkwardly landing full weight on top of his own scooter. The crowd stood back while he jumped to his feet, face almost against the gate not moving. It had been a bad fall and the scooter was damaged but we all stood as a fellow statues watching his ramrod still back. Then a huge builder type man pushed through the crowd and picked up the broken scooter and asked the boy, “Are you alright mate?”  Immediately the boy burst into tears of pain and the man put his hand on his shoulder and lead him away to the open area away from the crowd. After the children had rushed through the now opened gate into school, I spotted the father kneeling examining the damage to the scooter and talking soothingly with the P3 pupil.  I then realised the boy was not even his son. His own son, a small reception class pupil, was standing patiently beside his dad. I could see the older P3 boy was calmer now and all three of them walked together to the now deserted school gate. 

I felt rather ashamed that in that sea of mummies and grandmothers, including me,  it was a father who saw the hurt in that small straight back facing the gates and took decisive compassionate action. It is probably in such small deeds like this real education takes place for all of us.

“Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom.”

— BAHÁ’U’LLÁH

Bare feet and bare essentials

They seemed a breed apart. Disengaged from a normal life and embroiled in a fantasy existence that floated unanchored by mortgages, debts or jobs.  I had just taken up my first job, fresh from university, and was working as an assistant engineer for Plessey Radar in Cowes on the Isle of Wight.  Everything was new for me, coming from Northern Ireland. The freedom, the culture, the work, the people all seemed intensely interesting. At work I rubbed shoulders with ‘the normals’, as I call them, my colleagues at Plessey. Of all shapes, sizes and ages they lived normal existences where bills needed paid and work was a means to an end. Some I liked and some I didn’t, but they were predictable and reassuring. 

I shared a flat with Rosalind. A 6 foot fashion design model who commuted to Portsmouth by ferry daily. She and all her friends were a breed apart. Her boyfriend was a bare foot shipwright who owned three 30ft plus sailing yachts.  He told me he walked without shoes or socks because that way uninteresting people didn’t bother him. His name was Horace and he liked laughing at others. Rosalind was consistently unfaithful to him with various people and he would rage and sulk and then they would make up again. I wasn't sure I like either of them and I knew they laughed at my simplistic approach to life. I didn't drink or do drugs and found the fact that I believed in God riotously funny. Rosalind was a white witch, she told me, leaning back in the kitchen chair smoking a cigarette and blinking wide pale green eyes  that reminded me of a newborn calf. Wide clear eyes with lovely long lashes but absolutely nothing going on behind them. Except perhaps where the nearest meadow was and how to get there. Or in Rosalind's case where the nearest suitor was how to win them. Horace and Rosalind had a range of similar friends all into yachting and windsurfing. They talked in very posh accents and all had parents having either divorces or mental breakdowns. They were either wealthy or oddly poor with all the tappings of the rich. Take Rosalind for example. Her parents lived in a huge mansion outside Ryde but struggled to  pay their grocery bills. Every effort went into maintaining the appearance of wealth at all costs. The father was a tall thin man who could speak to spirits. He regularly broke off from the conversation to let you know that there was a spirit in the corner of the room. They all seemed like flotsam blowing willy-nilly and I found myself viewing them as if they were a completely different species. Whatever they said or did, I found myself examining it in an unreal way as if they lived in an alternative universe. This world of theirs was like a game of monopoly. They had so much money or properties that they were really rather bored by it all. So they broke things, relationships, themselves to generate something with which to engage. I listened to the conversations and they ebbed and flowed with cynicism, ridicule and mockery. Two Irish lads at Plessey had trouble starting the car one morning and decided to push start it. Unfortunately, the car had built up too much speed down the hill and the driver had been unable to jump in. The car crashed into iron railings at the bottom of the hill and was badly damaged. This was related was related with  endless zeal by my flatmates as an example of typical plebs, their term for the working classes. At least these particular ‘plebs’ caused damage only to themselves and their own property. 

Whereas Horace and his crew seem to have no morals regarding others belongings. Horace's favourite trick when purchasing uninhabited properties was to urinate in the corner to put off other house buyers. He sold a leaky yacht to a London weekend sailor and for six weeks sneaked down to the marina every three days to pump out the bilges. After this, he stopped and when the yacht sank at its moorings felt absolutely no guilt. As he pointed out it was no longer his responsibility! As if by pumping the bilges he had been performing an act of service rather than that of deception. He had no loyalty to his yachts either. He sold in ancient beautiful wooden sailing ship immaculately restored to a Londoner who intended to moor it on the Thames and live on it. The fact that the freshwater would eventually ruin the hull was a matter of no concern to him. When I remonstrated that he should at least tell the prospective buyer of the potential damage freshwater would do to this unique boat. He raised an eyebrow and laughed aloud at the very idea. 

Being in their company was like standing on shifting sands. With no conscience, no sense of responsibility their lives appeared to follow only the tides of daily whims. They were easily disengaged from practical considerations. If I struck up a conversation with Horace at the table when he had a plate of food in front of him, he would lower his knife and fork and proceed to hold forth allowing the food to go cold and untouched at times. I, a descendent of a poor pig farmer from Ireland, found this just as amazing as his lack of morals. To my way of thinking food was a precious commodity and not to be sacrificed for intellectual banter. 

Plessey Cowes

The companionship of my fellow engineers at Plessey kept me sane. They had mortgages, bills, normally lives and their laughter seemed less cruel too. The crew back at the flat seemed unanchored, unhinged and unscrupulous. That period however did help me considerably. I saw that being the winner of the monopoly game can be a lonely sad existence where are you are incredibly bored. Only those still struggling to miss landing on hotels, and desperately collecting £200 as they pass Go, enjoy the adrenaline surges of the real world. Having too much money or things can be toxic for the soul, could be a kind of leprosy that contaminates you and others. It was a great relief to move out back into the real world and feel rocks beneath my feet again. I vowed never to be tempted by those shifting sands in the future.