They’ve just appointed a minister of loneliness in the UK. You may be surprised or sceptical but I take it as a welcome recognition of one of the major sicknesses of today’s world. The condition afflicts not just the elderly but also children, youth and middle-aged etc as well.
I have long observed that children will choose to operate like herds or packs. It is much more interesting for them to have all that company and interaction. They learn best by observation, how to communicate and live. However, in today’s world of destruction, they also experience the toxic pressures of social media, materialism, alcohol, drug and other forms of addiction. These forces blight lives at any age but for children, they are particularly detrimental. Before they even begin to discover who they could be, such forces mould and distort them. Self-harming is now too common, suicide numbers are growing, bullying is being carried out in school, at work, in neighbourhoods, homes and online. It should be recognised that bullying and abuse does even worse damage internally than it does externally. Those psychological scars are carried unseen and the fall out to the wider society grows.
Unfortunately, predators easily identify those already damaged or easy prey. Just as a lion will target the eldest, weakest or youngest member of a herd of buffalo so to do human predators. What are the habits of predators? Well, they are remarkably similar to methods always used to break the human spirit (read about Solzhenitsyn's Gulag: The Simplest Methods which Break the Will). They follow a systematic and indeed predictable pattern. In fact, at a UN conference in New York more than 15 years ago the speaker called for domestic abusers to be identified for the protection of others. Claiming that it was far easier to pinpoint abusers than to identify victims. Serial domestic abusers move from one victim to the next one while authorities question the morality/lifestyle/choices of these victims. Instead, red flags that people are abusers are ignored. Their need for increased control, their insistence on isolating victims from family and friends, their violence becoming more brutal during pregnancy and their violent outbreaks often being followed by sincere apologies etc are all standard textbook behaviour. Things are changing. The Metropolitan police use a questionnaire for victims that asks the right questions to not only identify the presence of abuser but to flag up the degree of risk to the victim and save lives. Claire’s Law has been introduced so that people have the right to be informed if their new partner has a history of being an abuser. This seeks to block the dreadful cycle of abuse continuing with another victim following in the footsteps of so many before them.
Perhaps there are lessons here for other situations. In the playground, at school, too often the victim of bullying is lectured on being more assertive, standing up for themselves, avoiding disputes, not being alone and their parents consulted as to how they can help. Teachers are instructed to try and protect the victim. But all of these practices studiously ignore targeting the bully, the abuser. Too much time and energy have again gone into quizzing the victim when actually more attention needs to be directed against the abuser and all the other unseen/uncomplaining victims they also target. Justice needs to be tempered by compassion but there is a fundamental need for it also to act and be seen to be effective. Not doing so, fails the victims and also encourages and empowers new would-be bullies.
Why is this tied in with loneliness? What can protect the young or old from that lioness is the herd of buffalo itself. The healthy and strongest form a circle inside which the old, young and weak are protected. Unfortunately, today’s isolation plays into the hands of predators. There are too few eyes to see, too few friends, relatives and neighbours to care. In this new landscape, we spectate in the virtual world of entertainment. Inoculated from our neighbourhoods, those predators of body, mind and property find ample room to lope behind weak defences and run riot. It seems the best we can do in response is to throw money at the social services to mop up the damage. What is the answer?
We are responsible for the herd. When the young Jamie Bulger (aged 2) was being led to his death by two older boys (aged ten) they were noticed by 38 individuals. Two members of the public did stop the boys and questioned them because of the crying and distressed toddler but did not act. Those individuals were not to know that inaction on their part would allow a hideous murder of a vulnerable toddler.
All of us need to know that we are responsible to and for each other. Every child you see deserves your care and protection if they need it. Each abuse victim should feel your concern. The elderly or ill should experience your kindness and engagement. Those who are targeted because of race, religion, colour or sexual persuasion need us to be more proactive in their defence. It is not easy but understanding the psychology at work and knowing a few successful strategies in advance gives us choices (
Bystander Intervention). Not knowing is a disservice to ourselves and others. We must fight loneliness on every front. Then, predators will experience the wrath and strength of that ring of protection and step back.
