I was a rather novice mother. Being the youngest of my family I had zero experience of looking
after youngsters. So when I gave birth
to my first son I remember the sheer fear that he was suddenly my
responsibility. I distinctly remember
feeding him in the hospital bed and then ringing the nurse to return him to his
crib. When she asked why I did not do
it myself I answered that I had never walked and carried a small baby and was
afraid I may drop him. I was
serious!
Being allowed to leave the hospital with this small vulnerable creature was terrifying and seemed completely wrong. How would he survive with me! It was a cold day and we had to put him in a
one-piece coat for the first time. A
lovely elaborate outfit with zips that undid at the top and bottom if you
needed to change him. I have to say
despite my fears our son was an ideal baby.
He slept and when not sleeping fed, in fact he was everything that
reassured a rather nervous mother like me.
He smiled at everyone and held out his hands to even passing strangers
to be picked up. He just seemed really
normal and exceptionally friendly.
That day for the first time he was crying. It threw me but I changed his nappy to see
if that helped. It didn’t. I tried to feed him and that didn’t help
either. By now I was running out of
ideas, this had never happened before and his cry was louder and more
pained. I carried him, tried to put him
to sleep by pushing him in the buggy outside.
Even that did not work and I was about to just let him cry, after all
perhaps he was becoming spoiled? If I
just left him in the bedroom for a while alone, to cry himself out, he would
learn that crying for attention was no way to behave!
