True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.

 Humiliation is the cruellest of punishments because it destroys a person’s self-respect.

Ralph Ellison

I had travelled to England to meet my husband-to-be’s family for the first time and I was very shy. Meeting many new people is daunting at the best of times but the very first encounter with future relatives is definitely tricky. At a family celebration one of these relatives lent across and said “You’re from Ireland, please sing us a song”.

My father had been sent to elocution lessons, piano lessons etc and had a huge dent in the top of his head where a piano teacher had repeatedly whacked him with her large ringed finger if she felt he had forgotten to practice enough. The result of the lessons was my dad played the piano well and sported a permanent dent on the top of his head. The pain of these lessons ensured that he never sent any of us to any such torture sessions. As a result, even though we could ride bikes, climb trees and walk the tops of gates and swim etc none of us had acquired any musical ability whatsoever. 

My husband’s relative was sweet but persistent and would not stop asking, thinking that it was my shyness that prevented me from entertaining them. Finally, reluctantly, I launched into the Mountains of Mourne, a song from Northern Ireland. 

I got through the first verse when the same relative tapped me on the arm and said I could stop now. No one asked me to sing again and I began to suspect not having had any musical lessons was a dire omission indeed.

The next day was worse. A distant relative of my husband from the US decided that I needed my facial hair waxed. It was something she did regularly herself but a whole new world of pain for me. I was trying to be stoic but the procedure was torturous. When she’d finished I retreated to bed acutely aware of both my lack of singing skills and my abundance of facial hair.

The next morning my entire chin and neck looked like it had developed purple, red and white pimples. From the mouth down, I suddenly resembled the spottiest youth you can imagine. From a distance it looked as if I acquired a red beard of sorts. By now I had reached that place of resignation that only total humiliation can bring.

Looking back, I can laugh at my injured 25-year-old self. It was all no big deal. My skin recovered and I have become resigned to not being a singer. More importantly, all those relatives that I met are dear friends that enrich my life and have showered love on me for almost four decades.

The lesson learned is that we sometimes need to play the long game. To brace ourselves for the daily challenges that can seem horrific at the time, but in hindsight are no more than an amusing anecdote to life. We live and we learn many things mostly from others but also from our experiences. 

As a pensioner, I can now appreciate all those who have crossed my path. I am grateful for each and every conversation or interaction that taught me something. Even if the lesson learned was to be able to laugh at one’s self.

True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis