Things that should never have happened and the lessons learned

1. A certain brother of mine who at age 18 got a certain part of his anatomy caught in his zip and the end of the saga involved a trip to hospital and eight nurses working to free him from those mechanical torture implements.

LESSON 1 "sometimes the biggest dangers are the closest"

2. Me trying to retrieve a ball blowing out to see at the beach.  Was worried my sons would swim out too far, so threw on swimsuit (bikini) and swam quickly after it.  Returned to the shore and walked up the beach wondering why the bikinis bottoms which were red suddenly looked black.  Had put my leg in the waist bit and was exposing my nether regions!

 LESSON 2 "Beware of hasty decisions that bring about untold humiliation"

3. My Dad on being told to put on a robe back to front in the cubicle at hospital,  didn't see the paper folded gown, and clambered into a pink dressing gown hanging behind the door and carefully put it on backwards as instructed. 

 LESSON 3 "Don't just follow directions, think things through"

4. Our neighbourhood dog would chase cats all day.  But there were two who refused to run.  Jack would run full pelt and then spotting they were not running would rapidly change direction at the last moment and pretend he was racing to pee against a car wheel.  His embarrassment was tangible.  Unfortunately, his eyesight was not good and he could not distinguish the runners from the fighters until he got really close.

LESSON 4 "When humiliation beckons fools cover it up by being busy"

  

5. I had a dog Chance who has appeared in three documentaries in N. Ireland.  All involved rough estates in Ballymena, Larne and Coleraine.  the TV crews obviously thought he, with his half chopped tail and mongrel look, was exactly the backdrop they wanted in their exposé of down and out places.

  

LESSON 5 "Sometimes you are just what the world is after!"

6. When my son was a baby having his hips checked by a doctor he peed and the doctor backed away and managed to avoid being soaked.  He turned to me and smiled saying, “He nearly got me then!”  At which point the baby did the most incredible runny poo which shot out jet like and covered the whole front of the doctor’s white pristine coat.

LESSON 6  "The young have unexpected capacity"

7. There is a toilet in the library in Coleraine in N. Ireland that has a handle that you pull up to lock.  Unfortunately, the handle only appears to lock on occasions and I have two friends who once seated and about their business found the door swinging open to an entire library full of appalled people.

LESSON 7 "Just when you thing life can't get any worse, it does"