Do you ever get sick of yourself?

Do you ever get sick of yourself?

I mean really weary and fed up.

When, if it were anyone else you’d just walk way?

But that’s it, isn’t it.

When it is yourself, there is no escape!

In ancient Greece a young girl committed suicide and suddenly there was an epidemic of copycat suicides among girls her age in the city.  It reached such a pitch that the senate needed to act.  So one elderly senator introduced a law, which stopped the loss of life immediately. 

What was the law?

They introduced a law that if a young woman committed suicide her naked body would be carried through the market place for all to see.  This stopped the dreadful avalanche of death.  Evidently, fear of shame was a fate worse than death. 

So, for dire situations we need effective strategies.  When life takes a deep plunge into despair I have my own technique.  You can tell I am a pessimist from the constant cheery refrain I am prone to reassure myself with, at such times

“However awful life appears, it can always get worse!”

In other words, whatever calamity we face usually there is another one possible that makes the present one seem like a picnic.  For some reason, that calms and soothes my spirit.  Things seem suddenly not so bad at all.

Another positive take is however awful I may be, whatever dreadful deed I may have done/omitted I have a few minutes, hours, months to alter and to make amends.  Making things right is not achieved by silent contemplation of my navel.  No, my worth is probably measured on what my contribution to this world has been, in real terms.

So, being heartily sick of oneself can be a really good thing.  It is the diagnosis of a skilled physician who sees the problem and then seeks the remedy.  Too often we get hung up on the first step.  That honest introspection needs to be followed by action and deeds.

The world is weary of words

We want to see our life mean something

That change we seek within ourselves

Will always be linked with the change

Our lives bring to others.

Perhaps that is why we are still here!

Meetings - the good ones and the rest!

So lovely to watch Charlie meeting my mum and my mum seeing her first great grandson.  He, a matter of months and she with eight decades under her belt.  I know it is because I love them both that I find it all magical on so many levels.  A meeting of souls that transverses age.  Eye to eye, blood of mine, the look that says hello and recognises the wonder of this moment.  In life we have so many meetings, some great, a few sour, occasionally gut wrenching we often lose count of faces and facts.  There are those, who in the words of a famous comedian, in hindsight one should have greeted with

“I spurn you as I would a rabid dog!”

There are others that should have had us on our knees pleading

“I am so grateful for the privilege of knowing you, of being influenced for the better by you”

And others who fall in between, that one could have truly said in that first meeting

“Hello, I’d like to thank you in advance for all the tests, pain and agro you will bring into my life.  Because of it, I grew to know how much sweeter life can be when we learn exactly how to cope with upnoxious, hurtful and disturbed individuals such as yourself!”

That said no one can really know when we first meet anyone what lies ahead.  We cannot guess how damaging or nourishing contact with them will bring us.  We can only recognise that a life of tranquil solitude will teach us little.  We will emerge from the drawer of life like a glove completely unused, brand spanking new.  It is in the wearing and use, the engagement with other souls we truly learn the lessons of life.  We will be stretched beyond our limits, pulled out of shape, moulded anew but we will be forced to adapt and grow in that process.

We are changed by each other every single day.  Those changes are even inherited by our children and grandchildren[1].  These alterations in us are either enjoyed or endured by all who meet us.  So make haste to transform and to be transformed.  Practice makes perfect.

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[1] http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/tvradio/programmes/horizon/ghostgenes.shtml

Christmas Blues

Was at school this week in the staff room and the discussion was centred on the preparations for Christmas.  Buying presents, decorating trees, Christmas parties, performances etc.  I mentioned that we did not and have never bought Christmas presents or trees for our children.  There was a horrified silence as if I had regaled them with tales of how I starved my children regularly.  My story had slipped out when I told them of shopping at a supermarket with my youngest, a mere toddler, in the trolley seat with groceries pilled up behind him.  As the shop assistant scanned the items she smiled brightly at my son and asked that usual pre Christmas question.

“And what is Santa bringing you?” 

in a happy confidant tone designed to lift customers spirits with festive joy.

Daniel answered instantly 

“He doesn’t give me anything and never has!”

A horrified uncomfortable silence reigned as she scanned in the remaining items.  The look she gave me was one of shocked surprise that said clearly she wondered what kind of parent was I.

My children were told from an early age that Santa was not real.  That other parents pretended he existed for lovely reasons.   To make their children excited about the Christmas period, to celebrate the birth of Christ, to create a spirit of giving and kindness in families and communities.  We kept stressing that it was a religious festival designed to remind people of the life of Christ and his teachings.  But they missed the whole presents and Santa thing.  The only present they got was one from my parents and boy did that one present mean a lot!

It was a little hard at times when they saw the abundance of gifts showered upon their cousins and neighbours.  But they were surprisingly stoical about it.  Children accept you for what you are, warts and all.  They see you as normal and judge the rest of the world from that baseline. That’s why it is so horrible when we really screw them up.  When we make our nightmare their baseline.

Thankfully our three children, now adults, seem to hold no grudges for all those missing gifts and non-existent Santas.  Which kind of shows how meaningless most of that crap really is.  Indeed, we were careful to tell them, even when toddlers, that on no account should they ruin the illusion of Santa for their friends and school mates. That it would be cruel to steal this illusion when their parents had so carefully cultivated the magic of it year after year.  So when Daniel aged three answered the shop assistant with

            “He doesn’t give me anything and never has!”

I was quite proud that he was careful not to shatter her conviction that Santa was real.  He knew not to announce that,

“Santa does not exist and therefore does not bring me anything.”

He responded with a statement of truth while allowing her to maintain her belief in Santa.  It always amazes me how thoughtful and kind small people can be.  It strikes me that they would not ruffle feathers in staffrooms over Christmas.  I obviously have much to learn!

my take on smoking - a gentle approach to encourage stopping

Trying to get across that smoking is bad for you to my middle school class - may have gone over the top slightly let me know what you think!

Have a look at a healthy lung and a smokers lung - sometimes images speak louder than words.

But what is in these cigarettes? Lets look at an experiment to find out.  It is slightly long so do feel free to fast forward to get the main point of it!  But hopefully those final few images will stay in your head!

Enough of the petty details worldwide how many people are actually being effected?

Somehow figures don't get across the loss of life do they?  We almost need more time to digest the information and set it in context.  After all, people die everyday from a range of causes.  So let's put it all to music and take some time out to digest the facts right now.

Enough said!

Sliema to Valetta by boat and foot - getting lost and finding good stuff

Went for a walk in Valetta today.  First I walked up the hill in Sliema.

The colours of the flowers are amazing and catch the eye.  The houses are equally unusual and even when dilapidated have a presence.

In Malta there are churches at almost every turn, all covered in statues and with often two clocks.  One is set at the wrong time to fool the devil – they say!

The blooms beside a doorway seem too pretty to miss so I do a close up.

Over the hill and I reach the ferries, this is where I catch a boat to Valetta from Sliema.

And as the ferry gets closer the view gets better and better.  I reckon Valetta should always be approached by sea.  The walls are so impressive from water level.

Arriving at Valetta.

Hugging the walls I make my way along the ramparts.

Looking back at Sliema I can see the ferry and where I have come from.

Nature is found even on the bare dry walls.

Now time to climb some stairs and the height of the houses surprises.

Every square meter seems used and the density of living quarters is apparent.The streets become narrow and yet full of life.  This is no museum, but a living city.

Some grand buildings, like the front of this one.

Haven’t a clue where I am going but have time to admire the greenery.

Who cares if they are lost when everywhere interesting streets entice.

Am tempted down one and find myself in the second oldest theatre in Europe.

Even better is the tea room and I take the opportunity to grab a pot of tea and have a well earned break.  I have never experienced this tea room and it is filled with light and has a lovely atmosphere. 

This has to be the loveliest place to chill.  I heartily recommend it!  Sometimes getting lost leads you to the nicest surprises.  Time to head home.  

Charlie Horse playing cards

Came across this video on a camera, which someone had taken while we all played cards together.  I am simply the most un-photogenic person on this planet and it does not bode well that I also have just about the most irritating laugh imaginable.  But I love the way it captures family times when playing cards.

Not one extra prune

My mother and aunt stayed with us on Malta for a glorious two weeks this October.  I luxuriated in their presence.  Their daily routines were fixed.  In the morning after their showers they had breakfast, eating exactly the same thing each day.  A bowl of porridge and five prunes followed by a pot of tea with one slice of wholemeal bread toasted, with butter and marmalade.  Then they would hand wash all their dirty clothes.  My practice of dumping all colours into the washing machine was an anathema to them.  They are of the generation that hand washed, bleached and bullied laundry into blistering white submission – my half grey whites did not do!

The sun here in Malta dried their clothes in a few hours and they delighted in the speed of the whole affair.  Then, after tidying my flat with equal thoroughness and a demanding level of order and neatness they filled their water bottles and headed out for their daily forced march.  They would walk the promenade beside the Med each day, choosing St Julian’s Bay one day from Sliema and then the next heading right towards Valetta.  These walks were no mean feat in the burning sunshine.  They allowed themselves just two breaks during this four-hour marathon.  One was for ice cream cone, or a ‘poke’ as my mum calls it.  

My Mum, with eight decades under her belt, would order their cones with a smile, asking for loads of the white cooling ice cream on top.  God bless the Maltese café staff who universally responded with unrestrained generosity filling the two small cones to abundant heights.  The happiness with which these two grandmothers/great grandmothers devoured their treat had to be seen.  With two hours of walking in the baking heat it felt like a life saver and their toes practically curled in delight at the delicious coolness.

Then on for another two hours of walking and chatting.  These two have so many memories to share, so much news to tell and experiences to debrief they talk non-stop for the whole two weeks.  Listening to them chatting away from their beds to each other until they fell asleep was the best background music to have.

The second pit stop is for a large cappuccino and they have by now found the best cafés to stop at.  

Not only the café but also they also have a favourite table near the door from where they can observe the world go by.  My aunt has an eye for detail.  Noticing people who chew with their tongues out, peculiar gaits, unusual hairstyles or fashions ensembles.  She notices everything and views the entire spectacle with excited voyeurism.  This is fortunate, as my mother sees nothing.  She is a ‘starer off into space’, happy in her own skin and head with a coffee mug held tight in delight.  So this unusual team works well.  My aunt points out what my mother would have missed and my mother restrains her sister from tucking in shirt tails, turning down labels that stick up and generally rearranging the hairdos of complete strangers.

I tease them because they do not vary their routine.  Not one extra prune, not one different flavour of ice cream ventured, not even their footwear has changed in the last few years.  But they are happy, fit and in great shape.  Their laughter and giggles filled the flat and our lives from the moment they arrived until they disappeared into the departure lounge in the airport on the way home.

So if anyone happened to see me standing at Malta International Airport last week waving and sobbing at two elderly ladies while tears tripped down my face try to understand.  Such people burrow into your heart and letting them go is akin to open-heart surgery.