Michael Abateo had been trying to open the door of the old Palazzo in Valetta. In the summer the central section of the door expanded with heat and jammed like a silent, sullen adolescent. Despite Michael’s pushing and shoving over the ornate gate, the ancient door showed no response. Not until Michael had hurt his shoulder and begun to curse at the wretched door did it suddenly open. On a later visit, Michael felt that it was his cursing more than his shoulder charging that brought the ‘Open Sesame’ results. So, Michael had taken to berating the door, before even trying to physically open it. So loud and foul had been his salutations early one morning that a middle-aged Maltese woman from three stories up lent out of her window and shouted, “Taghzaq fl-ilma” (literal translation - you’re ploughing water!).
Michael had felt like an old fool. A foul-mouthed old fool. Eventually, his sanding of the wooden door had made opening the hugely heavy front door a childlike task. Now Michael gloated at how easy his life had become. He was reminded of a story his grandfather had once told him about an old Maltese priest in one of the villages.
A husband had complained to the priest bitterly of his nagging wife and the wily priest had said,
“I could solve your problem but since you’d never obey my instructions the situation is hopeless.”
A few more weeks of misery past and in desperation the husband returned cap in hand begging for help. The priest said,
“No, I know you will never take my advice, so there really is no hope!”
Another miserable week of the husband’s life passed and then he begged the priest,
“I will, I’ll do anything you say if it solves this problem with my wife”.
The old priest looked thoughtful and asked,
“Do you promise you’ll take my advice and do exactly what I say for as long as I say?”
For a moment, the husband hesitated thinking about what dire instructions could lie head but his misery and desperation drove him on.
“I will, I’ll do exactly as you say for as long as you say if it solves the problem of this awful woman.”
The priest’s instructions were shocking and concise. The husband blinked incredulously. He could not believe it and began to splutter in rage. But the priest merely held up his hand in a gesture of dismissal and said
“You promised! Surely you are a man of your word. I never said it would be easy.”
Reluctantly the husband agreed and followed the bizarre instructions the priest had given him. For one week he was to move a goat into his house. Then, he should return to see the priest. The husband duly obeyed and at the end of the week returned, dishevelled bristling with anger to the priest’s house.
“Everything is worse than you can possibly imagine.” He cried,
“My wife is crazy with rage at having this goat in our home. The whole place stinks and it eats everything it can find. Even my neighbours are not speaking to me. None of us has slept all week. I never thought my life could get worse but your advice has made my home a living hell!”
The old priest smiled contentedly,
“I never said it would be easy, I just said it would solve your problem.”
The husband held his head in his hands in despair and then shouted,
“What on earth do you mean my life has got worse, not better, you’ve solved nothing!"
The priest answered ominously,
“You haven’t completed my instructions”.
By now the husband was both furious and fearful. What other disastrous action would this old fool of a priest subject his family to now? He totally regretted ever coming to the charlatan but he also knew he’d given his word to obey, so he asked with real dread,
“What do I have to do now?”
The priest replied that the goat should be removed from the house immediately and in a week’s time, the husband was to return once more to the priest. Relieved beyond measure that no more animals or other bizarre practices were insisted upon the husband raced home to evict his unwelcome guest. A week later the husband returned to the priest looking clean and well rested. He had a rosy glow to his cheeks and his face was beaming.
“Ah father, the house is clean again, my wife and I have been able to sleep and enjoy our food. My neighbours have been round to see the new furnishings in the house. The blasted goat ate even the edges of the sofa and the curtains. As for the carpets we had to replace them all. There is no getting goat shit out of carpet, father! The house smells fine at last and my wife has worked her fingers to the bone to transform the place. She’s begun singing again and she is no longer mad at me but she thinks you are quite crazy!”
“Oh indeed? But sure, isn’t your problem solved as I said it would be”.
The husband blustered and complained a little and then had to admit that, for now, his home was indeed a happy place. The old priest hastened to reassure him,
“Now don’t you worry about your little problem ever again. Sure, now we know the solution I can always take the remedy to your door myself if it's needed.”
As Michael turned the key in the door and it opened easily he laughed at the fundamental truths of the old tale. A test, a challenge, a problem removed brought strange joy to the heart and a deep sense of gratitude. That old priest had known a thing or two about life.
