Michael Abateo - the end game

Michael Abateo had been mopping the floor when suddenly he felt the tightness in his chest. A shortness of breath startled him and it felt as if there was a huge creature sitting on his chest. Even his neck ached from its weight.

“Bastard!” He managed to complain. He collapsed onto his knees and then clumsily rolled over onto his back on the still-wet floor. He knew his clothes must be soaked but all he could register was this intense pressure. If only, he thought, he could catch a breath.

“Bastard”, he repeated.

“You’re a right bastard.” He was unconsciously rubbing his chest as if that would ease the huge weight felt there. Then, another wave of excruciating pain radiated as the elephant on his chest seem to shift slightly. Now there was also pain down his arm as well.

“Oh, you bastard!”

For some reason, along with the pain and growing fear, Michael felt such anger. He hated being on the floor held like a pinned animal unable to stand or even sit. He wriggled to release its grasp on him but his movements seem to merely lower him still further into a sandpit that felt warm and dark. The lights all went off.

A few hours later Michael began to come around and sighed in relief that the weight had been removed from his chest. He looked at his feet and saw the end of a hospital bed with a chart hanging on it. There was a confusing ringing going on and he could not determine whether it was external or internal. He was also attached to machines of some sort by lots of tubbing and his head only turned slightly with a mighty effort of will. A young nurse leant over him and said, “Hello Michael, how are you feeling?”

She was in her 20s and her tone was professional but not warm. Michael tried to respond but his mouth refused to obey him. His tongue felt like I didn’t belong to him at all. This was ridiculous. Michael moved his head from side to side in distress. The nurse put a hand on his shoulder and explained,

“You’ve had a heart attack you are now in hospital, Michael. Just you relax, the doctor will be around to talk to you soon.” She fiddled with some of the tubing and looked at the reading above him on the machine and then left. Michael turned his head and examined the room he found himself in. It was a cubicle in the accident emergency unit of the hospital. He recognised the colour scheme from when he had accompanied an elderly aunt of his who had been having an asthma attack. He never thought that he would find himself in the same cubicle having had a heart attack and struck dumb into the bargain! It was perverse really. He remembered his aunt Vicky had been suffering from dementia in the last years of her life and Michael had felt vaguely ashamed of her obvious confusion and distress at being in a strange place. Now, Michael felt he could empathise with his aunt at last. He only mourned that all those decades ago he had been so young, so full of self that he lacked the ability to put himself in her shoes. The moment he had this thought, Vicky flashed into his mind, smiling at him, wearing an apron and offering him a pastizzi from a blue plate in her kitchen. He must’ve been 12 and the smell of her kitchen in Valetta filled his senses. The picture suddenly became a video, as she absentmindedly tucked a curl behind her ear and lumbered back to her precious stove. He could even see the burn mark high on her elbow when she caught it on a hot baking shelf. Michael smiled in amazement at how much love he felt for this sweet aunt.  She turned to him and smiled again before rubbing her cheek absentmindedly. He remembered his father saying that his sister Vicki didn’t suck her thumb as a child but would often rub her cheek instead. Michael found himself amazed that all these vivid images were flooding his mind. Memories he felt sure he’d forgotten for decades. The door of the cubicle opened and the doctor entered. Michael was still entranced by his aunt Vicky who beamed at him from the other side of the room. The doctor repeated something and the second that Michael turned towards him, Vicky seemed to disappear. The doctor repeated loudly and insistently,

“Michael, can you hear me?  Michael, can you hear my voice?”

Such stupid questions! Michael answered with a nod but still, he turned his head, hunting for his aunt Vicky.  He felt very confused indeed. The doctor was talking in a ridiculously loud voice as if to an imbecile. Why, because he didn’t speak, did people think he couldn’t hear?

 “Michael, you’ve had a heart attack and we are giving you some medication. Do you feel any pain?” he asked.

Michael shook his head from side to side but the movement felt exhausting. The doctor put a cold stethoscope on Michael’s chest and wrote something down. At no point had the doctor or nurse introduced themselves. Michael thought it a bit strange. Perhaps, because he couldn’t talk, they didn’t feel the need? The doctor said something that Michael didn’t catch. There was a clip of the door shutting and then silence. Michael stared at the roof it was still pale green. He wondered how long he’d been in this bed. He’d lost track of both time and speech.  He slept.

The door opened and his local young priest was by his bed. The priest spoke,

“I know you can’t talk Michael but I’m here to give you the last rites “.

Michael felt this was very ominous indeed. Things were obviously not looking good for him. But he felt vaguely annoyed that this young priest had broken the news instead of a doctor. The priest began the ceremony and asked if Michael had anything to confess. Michael nodded out of sheer revenge. The priest looked perturbed,

“So, there is something do you want to confess!”

Michael nodded again. The young priest was thrown. Should he continue with the rites? Should he enquire as to the sin? His face showed his confusion. That nod meant he, as a priest, should try to proceed with the three sections of the confession. First the penitent should show contrition (sorrow for sins committed) then would follow disclosure of the sins (confession of sins) and finally, they would gain satisfaction (undergo penance to make amends).   The priest began cautiously to intone,

“May God who has enlightened every heart help you to know your sins and trust in His mercy. Michael, is your sin a mortal sin or a venial sin?”

Then, the door opened and a nurse stood at the entrance but seeing the priest paused at the door.  Obviously, suddenly embarrassed the priest decided to ignore his sin-filled but dumb patient and finished with a great rush of words and gestures then ran to the door.

Michael suddenly wanted to laugh for some reason. He was glad to see Vicky back at the end of his bed. She rolled her eyes at Michael,

“So many sins Michael and so little time!” But she laughed happily,

Michael looked ashamed, he shouldn’t have behaved as he had. Shouldn’t have teased the young priest. There was suddenly so much he regretted in his life.  Vicky seemed to read his mind for she smiled as she spoke,

“I read once that if priests hadn’t added vain imaginings to religion then the philosophers wouldn’t call religion vain imaginings.”

Michael found this incredibly deep and insightful. He couldn’t imagine his aunt having such thoughts. He looked at her amazed.  She continued to speak,

“The good news is that God knows all that we’ve done or left undone.  Our deeds are carved on tablets of chrysolite, it is said.  Anyway, I reckon bringing ourselves to account each day is an effective form of confession.”

Michael nodded and realised that for the first time in his life he was looking back on his life and gaining a perspective that had been missing.  In some ways he felt so sorry that it was only here, at the end of things, clarity of sorts was dawning. Aunt Vicky reassured him,

“Reflection can bring contrition, Michael. An action to make good what we have failed is making amends. It always amazes me how much people worry about bad things they’ve done but they forget to consider the good things they have done and those good deeds they left undone.”

Michael felt ashamed of how he had acted towards his aunt especially in her days of dementia.  They had both been so close when he was younger.

Aunt Vicky looked at him thoughtfully,

“I never had children.  No matter how much I longed for them it made no difference.  But you came along and changed my world.  You will never know how much your love meant to me.  It healed so much in my life.  We had so much laughter in our home because of you.  I don’t forget that. “

Michael smiled back at his aunt relieved she had only good memories of him.

Then she asked,

“Do you want to know how you should feel about death?”

Michael was startled at the question but captivated by her warmth and words. He nodded.

She said,

“We should think of death the way we think of the destination of a long journey. It’s something to look forward to, not dread.”

Michael suddenly thought of all those who he would miss, his children, his brother and sisters, his friends. She seemed to sense it and explained,

“Death doesn’t take anything away from us Michael. Those we love are ever with us.”

She beamed at him,

“Death is like breaking the cage. It frees the bird within.”

She leaned in so close Michael could smell fresh bread from her apron. There’s a lot of people who love you, waiting for you.  Your Maria is looking forward to seeing you soon. 

Michael sighed and his heart ached for all those who he had lost but especially his wife Maria.

His Aunt Vicky, walked away from the bed and suddenly there was light everywhere.  On the wall in front of him, he saw his life unfold kaleidoscope-like.  Then, the light grew so bright it made everything else disappear, even Michael.

 

 PS if you have missed the other previous instalments of Michael Abateo here are the links

https://colette-windflowers.blogspot.com/2012/09/maria-and-michael-abateo-forty-winks.html

https://colette-windflowers.blogspot.com/2018/06/michael-deals-with-dirt-and-life.html

https://colette-windflowers.blogspot.com/2018/10/michael-abateo-drugs-buses-and-buckets.html

https://colette-windflowers.blogspot.com/2018/12/an-unexpected-cure-for-all-ills.html

Missing Wavelengths?

The sound of the sea soothes. Its rhythm a mighty solace. When calm its frequency is slower (1/10) than the beat of the human heart. No wonder being beside it is such a source of comfort. Just like the baby in the womb is soothed by the thump, thump of their mother’s heart we too are comforted by the sea’s rhythm. We are bathed in such a noise from conception but it is only when we develop sensory organs do we properly hear them. Mind you, even without working ears the deaf can feel the vibration of sound through bone/floorboards/a balloon held in their hands so perhaps even before audio organs were fully functioning perhaps we felt the vibration in the womb of the nearby heart. As the ears developed in the womb the baby grows to recognise the mother’s voice and is found to respond to certain external music.

Sight too is developed in the womb and, like sound, we humans have a limited spectrum in which we can operate. Bees can see the magnetic field, bats can use sound in order to navigate. Visible light is our piece of the electromagnetic spectrum. We may feel the heat of an infrared wavelength or suffer the sunburn of UV rays or even use devices to enable us to hear radio waves or microwaves but the visible spectrum is where our eyes excel.  Everything we see is due to this tiny fraction of the whole spectrum. If the whole of the electromagnetic spectrum was laid out before us as 100 toilet rolls (with each roll having 1000 sheets) we can only see three and a half sheets (0.0035%).

We pride our ability to see our surroundings, perceive and then understand. We see the rain clouds, understand we may need our umbrella and take it with us. So closely entwined is this with understanding that we even use the phrase “I see” interchangeably with “I understand”. To see or perceive to take in information, process it and make use of that knowledge is almost too seamless for us to even notice. 

Humans are sufficiently adaptable to allow one sense to help another. Some blind people have taught themselves to use echolocation to understand their surroundings via sound waves. These waves can produce reflections which tell them how close obstacles and structures are. This ability can be taught relatively quickly especially to children. Because we as sighted individuals learn about our environments using vision, we often do not readily perceive echoes from nearby objects. However, with training, even sighted individuals with normal hearing can learn to avoid obstacles using only sound, showing that echolocation is a general human ability.

Our intelligence has permitted us to make use of other areas of the electromagnetic spectrum. Our WiFi, mobile phones, radios etc have helped us to make inroads into other sheets of those rolls of toilet paper we spoke of earlier. X-rays in medicine give us the ability not to see our surroundings but our internal body structures.  Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) is another type of scan that uses strong magnetic fields and radio waves to produce detailed images of the inside of the body.  Our ingenuity has allowed us to glimpse how other creatures hear and see. Elephants can hear very low-frequency sounds, we cannot hear, through their huge feet and can pick up such invaluable information as the early low-frequency rumbles of an approaching tsunami or earthquake. Dolphins can hear a much broader range of frequencies than we humans.  Our ears can only pick up frequencies from 20 Hz to 20 kHz whereas dolphins can hear from 20 to 150 kHz. Their hearing is up to 7 times more sensitive than the human ear.  Perversely, the humble moth has the best hearing of any creature (The greater wax moth's hearing goes up to about 300 kilohertz). Eagles have better eyesight than humans. They can see eight times further than us and see shades of colour we cannot.  They can even see ultraviolet light which helps them see bodily traces left by their prey. 

We may have extended our ability to function in other spaces of the full sound spectrum or electromagnetic spectrum but there is a range (a bit like the range of musical instrument) that we are designed to see and hear with our own faculties. Even our eyesight was designed to see not only close-up but also the distant horizon. Perhaps to distinguish close up edible seeds from toxic ones or to discern prey or spot predators approaching from afar. If we deny ourselves the full panorama of life around us we can damage our eyesight. So, too much screen time sacrifices our farsighted abilities.

The frequencies we hear and see have consequences in our brain. Not only in how we interpret but what feelings they engender. Beauty in nature awakens emotions within us not just factual realities. A wonderful piece of music can elevate our spirit or soothe our distress. If we could understand the lasting impact what we see and hear has on human beings we might be more refined about what we tune our ears to or focus our vision on.

The senses are doorways to mind, spirit and body. They can be extended and developed or curtailed and deformed. Our daily choices decide what benefits or deficits we experience therefrom. To be in nature surrounded by its sounds is a source of healing. Music does indeed soothe a troubled breast. This world we were born into is a feast for us both acoustically and visually. But when depressed we can sometimes not even see the beauty around us.

Spirituality is the ability to walk the path that nurtures your real progress. Our senses guide us but it is in understanding what we hear and see that our real development takes place. If we choose not to investigate the truth with heart and mind then we impede our progress and that of the society around us. It’s as if our physical senses are merely portals to investigate reality. The real magic happens when and how all that is processed and acted upon.

If we see the suffering of others we have some choices.

1.   Avoid - make sure we are not exposed to such sights again. news/disaster/coverage/tragic events. Akin to the ostrich hiding its head in the sand. Or choosing to See no evil, hear no evil or see no evil.

2.     Cynical self-interest - Feel no sympathy with those ‘others’. As long as one’s own family is fine why be perturbed by those of others. Train yourself to be selective about who you will respond to, particularly those in despair or need.

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3.  Feel helpless - Watch so much of the news, what’s going wrong with this world that you become angry and feel both despair and hopelessness.

None of these choices ends well.  We do need to become informed of what is happening in the world good and bad. When suffering and injustice occurs it helps to take some steps to remedy it. It could be small but taking action puts power back in your hands. Inaction fuels your own helplessness. Your actions, however seemingly futile, can inspire others. If mistakes happen you can learn to adjust and correct. Progress can be made through action.  From the good you observe in this world best practice can be absorbed. Inspirational accounts (factual and informed) can give powerful examples of how others have already perceived a problem/injustice/wrong/suffering and acted. They fan your flame to take action as a response to what comes. Not reinforce acquiescence and acceptance of the status quo however damaging.

If life can be likened to the electromagnetic spectrum we need to recognize the source is abundant. We are bathed in this constant pouring out of energy from above. It fuels our food and fills our bellies. It warms our body and enables our eyes to see. All of that is designed to benefit the human race and all the creatures that share this planet with us. To be selfish with resources, money or acquisitions is the opposite of this demonstrated abundance. To abuse, this planet and people for individual gain is to reduce one’s spirit to the lowest level of existence.  We can bury ourselves in materialism to such a degree that we no longer see the sun or feel its heat. We have burrowed into dark places that take us down not up.

The electromagnetic spectrum and the wavelengths of sound demonstrate our limited ability to even see or hear what is actually out there. The fact that other creatures can hear and see more than we can is a mighty reminder that this world is not just for us human beings. It is filled with living entities who are designed like us to inhabit this wondrous planet. They hear and see things beyond our reckoning. Some can even see the polarization of light. Many can use the Earth’s magnetic field to orientate themselves on this sphere. If this is so, is it not cavalier to pollute this world so beautifully designed for all species, not just the human race.

The sad thing about this preferring ourselves over all living creatures, our nation over other nations, our tribe over the next valley’s tribe or even our family over our neighbours is that this process of self-interest causes even further fractioning. Until the very members of our own families can become ‘others’.

Hearing is indeed selective! If this world was designed to function in harmony then just like music we need all the various notes and resonate frequencies to come together.  To recognize that each of us is only a part of the whole. The principle of oneness must be owned if we are to turn the clock on this ‘otherness’. 

If oneness of humanity is the pivot then the further we move from this principle (that point) the more unbalanced that moment becomes. The larger the distance the bigger the destabilization that takes place.

Once we have a vision of the world as one then the model of the human body illustrates that there are many different organs with remarkably varied functions within it. The unity it exhibits underscores the need to grasp the whole. Every part working together for the health of the human body. Fuelled by a mighty muscle, the heart, beating the lifeblood through intricate tubing but coordinated by a brain that feels, senses and responds to your needs, urgent or long term. If this is the model then humanity has to be seen as one system. No part can be allowed to become infected, malnourished or damaged without fundamental injury to the whole. Every action whether it be marshalling immune defences or controlling temperature has the good of the whole as it’s overarching goal.

Our upset at the chaos and turmoil around us is not a thing to be ignored or suppressed or be distracted from. When we see the suffering of others and feel distress it is because you know at a vital level there are no ‘others’. You subconsciously feel united with this world you live in. You may not see every wavelength or hear every frequency but you feel your connectedness. Celebrate this intuitive knowledge and hold it close.