Plodding away hamster like

I have been going to the gym and joining all these peculiar people on moving platforms and bicycles plodding away hamster like.  Reminds me of those pictures of poor pigs unable to move in the their pens and reduced to swinging their heads to and fro in a repetitive fashion.  I am doing my abdominal lifts (sit ups) all wrong and these slim trainers come over and point this out and I point out that when you have no abdominal muscles this is how you do sit ups!!  Since they all have flat tight muscles with no bulges they have no idea what it feels like for me.  By far the worst thing however is seeing my reflection in the full-length mirrors that are everywhere.  As I plod along I examine this plump middle-aged lady with frizzy hair facing me and wonder in amazement just exactly who she is as in all honesty she bears no relationship to the me as I see myself.  I begin to regard it as a kind of mental torment designed to bring true self-awareness.  What is it about this age that you start to loss all feeling of being even vaguely feminine?  You grow out in all directions so that there is no hourglass figure (well ok there never was) just a barrel from the chest all the way down.  Your face develops all these lines as if your armpit creases have spread to your forehead and eyes and neck and mouth.  Black hairs begin to sprout from your chin and neck, long thick ones perhaps nature produces them in kindness as an attempt to hide the worry lines?  I have resorted to using that device you gave me Mum that pulls them out by the roots (for your legs) on my chin as now tackling them with a pair of tweezers would frankly be like painting the house with an ear bud.  So in order to regain some lost femininity I went and did a thing I swore I never would.  I got my ears pierced!  Don’t ask me why, I just wanted to look more like a woman.  Does that make sense to anyone there.  The clip earrings are too painful and I end up frowning in pain after two minutes when I wear them.  So I went down town and I had them done by a lady with a gun.  It is a bit like a staple gun and the earrings are fitted inside.  So I now have two small earrings and believe it or not I feel a sense of accomplishment – how easily the foolish are amused!