To have a good and trustworthy friend is a mighty gift. It brings such solace in times of difficulty. To periods of joy such friendship heightens the experience, spreading and magnifying it. The importance of such friendship cannot be over estimated. It forms the backbone of our lives strengthening our progress in all things. But as with all relationships it is the very closest and most intimate that are the spinal column. The vital channel that enables major limbs and organs to function. This relationship is not an external one but an internal one. Our most intimate friendship, our sweetest relationship is the one we forge with ourselves. For this bond is what defines us, as for example our DNA decides the colour of our eyes. Unlike our DNA this friendship with ourself is not encoded and unchangeable. It is dynamic and ever changing. So that when it breaks down even our physical existence becomes untenable, unbearable. Suicide used to be defined as the deliberate taking of one’s own life and in many countries considered a crime. Kinder interpretations suggest that suicide happens not when someone desires to be dead but when a person feels that continuing to live is no longer an option. In this mindset taking one’s life is not a positive choice, it has become the step taken because the person concerned genuinely feels they have absolutely no alternative left open to them.
Whatever has happened has severed that intimate relationship we have with ourselves. The only way forward is divorce and the only way to implement that is by taking one’s own life. When this vital relationship has floundered, death is seen as the kinder option – indeed the only one.
There is no place for judgement or condemnation. We need to understand that our relationship with ourselves lies at the heart of everything we do, everything we are or will become. It colours not only us, but every person who comes across our path. It even shapes the people around us, the community we live in, the environment and this world of ours.
This private relationship is fundamental to everything. Like every relationship certain factors enhance its quality. Knowledge of oneself, nurturing oneself, understanding and forgiveness all play a role. But also the realisation that this relationship we have with ourselves must be dynamic. It changes and without conscious effort it will deteriorate. In all the distractions that surround us this friendship with ourselves must be sustained and strengthened. But how?
Well every day that passes is a possibility, a chance to reflect. By examining this person, thinking about their actions, their words, their deeds we understand ourselves and even more importantly we discover our strengths and weaknesses. Then we can learn and make the subtle changes and decisions that become the turning points. Bringing oneself to account each day is not a negative exercise. It is an opportunity to focus on that most intimate relationship and coax out of life’s challenges and confusions some sense. Having spent some time understanding ourselves we can then make the tiny daily decisions that will bring health to ourselves, love to our lives and light to find the right path ahead.
