Speak less and doing more

There is an assumption that wives should cook. Most commonly held by men who don't cook. This erroneous mindset needs to be challenged. There are many advantages of making a different choice.

Men are frequently better cooks than their wives!

Having a husband or wife who can't cook weakens the family structure. What happens when one is ill or sent abroad? Having two parties perfectly capable of producing nutritious meals is a foundation of a stronger family unit, surely?

Children hardly ever listen to what you say, as a parent, but they watch everything you do with a forensic intensity that should frighten us. If you wish to incapacitate a son, have a father who cannot cook. Mothers, if you prefer to train your daughter for a life of kitchen duties, become the sole provider of meals for the family. 

Magazines and TV shows are full of stuff about the need for more communication morning, noon and night. Actually, silence is fine. Do less talking not more. Do more listening and watching. Be aware of what's going on. Body language can tell you much more than speech.

I've been looking after a six-month baby two mornings a week for a friend. He does not talk but there are moments when he looked around my flat for his mother. His eyes open wide in distress, he becomes very still. You can sense he is not comfortable, suddenly fearful, missing the one person who means most to him. It doesn't happen very often but when it does I must spot it early and distract him. He soon recovers, he's a good-natured chap willing to humour me with smiles if I make an effort. Most of the time he is happy to lie on cushions kicking alone. 

Most of us are like that. Much of the day we are happy in our own skin, exploring our surroundings, taking everything in. The feel of a breeze from the sea, the sound of birds, the delightful daydream that flutters by. But when we feel distressed or show signs of discomfort, with external or internal furniture,  that's the time you expect loved ones to notice and speak out. We can feel as desperate as the frog in this cartoon.

In such situations people don't need instructions or your perspective of how they got into this pickle. Just show concern enough to listen and trust on most occasions the person is perfectly capable of finding their own solutions. That frog may be in a difficult situation but he has not given up! Really believe that! Be there for them. Listen and only ask questions to understand more. Be silent for a while and let what you've been told be digested. Red Indian culture used to instruct their young to always leave a long silence when an elder spoke to them. It was thought an appropriate sign of respect. Perhaps, it's something we should all begin to do for each other. 

But we love to rush in with our story, our take on the situation. As if the person is witless and needs our input. Mostly they don't and you show you didn't really listen, you were just waiting for your cue to speak. “Seek not to instruct, seek to understand”. If you have a long tirade of advice, save it for yourself. You probably need it more and it will usually serve you better. 

When you speak less, what you do say will have more impact. Less is definitely more! Approach people mindfully. As if they are in a state of meditation and not to be disturbed. Then weigh your words carefully. Don't seek to wound. Don't believe the saying “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me”. It's quite the contrary, words can cause damage that lasts longer than physical injuries. If we knew the power of speech we’d use it less not more.