The bonds that build society not break it

It's been my pleasure meeting Libyan women on Malta. They’re, so far, universally nice, highly intelligent and focused. The young girls are most anxious to please their parents especially their fathers. Their thoughts are on education and progress rather than finding a boyfriend. All the ones studying at university, here in Malta, have unusual fathers. I discovered that all of this group have fathers who believe in the empowerment of women. Not only encouraging daughters to go on with their education but also to learn to drive and be independent supporting them with with financial and emotional support.

I began to think it was the self-selecting phenomenon. After all, if any of their fathers had disapproved and withdrawn their support either materially or emotionally none of them would've ended up lecturing at university in science and other subjects. But it speaks strongly of the role men can play in promoting the advancement of women. It is not something women alone can hope to achieve. I have become increasingly convinced that it is only when women come forward in every aspect of life and own the principle of equality that real progress can be made in our societies. Why is this so important? Well, because in many nations and cultures being born female constricts and constrains you. In China, where unknown numbers of girls were aborted, published statistics of the ratio between male/female births across huge geographical regions scream the deadly injustice of discrimination. This death toll is illuminated only in the macro analysis of populations and so flies under our emotional radar. It is the immediacy of suffering, the force of the single toddler lying face down and still on the beach dead that grips our hearts. Not the hundreds of thousands who suffer and die around the world. It is as if we are designed to care for those we confront on a one-to-one basis rather than larger numbers at a distance.

Perhaps this is an emotional survival tactic. In the tribe or family you need to be concerned about the health and well-being of those around you. Other tribes compete for resources and caring for them could jeopardise your own future. As nations formed, loyalties began to extend wider. The notion that the young and the old were our responsibility grew. Resources were set aside in these civilisations to cope with such needs. In time, such initiatives were not just aspects of a civilised nation they became almost what defined one. If the nation neglected the well-being of the vulnerable in their society it became critically and morally flawed. 

But the taking over of social care by institutions funded by governments had unexpected side-effects. It robbed families and communities of the one-to-one connection and sense of responsibility. If I pay my taxes that is enough. “I've done my bit” became the new moral maxim. Not everyone but many felt that community care was all that was needed. The vision of a well funded care system became the sought after goal. Every responsible nation’s aspirations was to provide such care efficiently and effectively. However modern isolation served to distance individuals everywhere. That subtle change in society blurred the line between being engaged in the well-being of others and a vague desire to meet their basic needs. A new Paradigm had emerged that satisfied consciences but not the heart. Governments urged the need for care in the community but what they actually meant was providing professional care to those still outside institutions. The tangible bonds between hearts that nurture and protect has gradually been eroded.

Economic necessity has meant workers must follow the jobs. Their movement fragments families. Long-distance relationships have become the order of the day not by choice but by necessity. But this is just a tip of the iceberg. The huge investment in entertainment but not education has meant we have allowed ourselves to become helpless bystanders in families, neighbourhoods and communities across the developed world. Distracted and removed from personal ties we have lost sight of  our responsibility to be of service to those around us.  In doing so we have also denied ourselves the nurturing of human spirit that service to others brings. Instead we have become followers in societies where the new God is consumption. Materialism believes that if our consumption can grow our economies and nations will thrive. Greed and competition have become the driving forces. With such a mindset there are many losers. Our environment, the living creatures with whom we share this planet, the ability to value the lives of ‘others’ all suffer. If selfish obsession is held up as the nation’s goal, what are we saying to our youth? In these fragmented communities, beset with forces unleashed upon them, wolves have indeed entered the pens. Drugs, sex, alcohol, gambling, gaming, food, fashion, fixation, fanaticism generate wealth from a growing captive customer base. The disenchantment of our youth is very real. Many fail to see anything of value in the society surrounding them.  It breeds hopelessness. 

Perversely, this very ability of young people to read their own reality is the hope for our future. The young have energy and are capable of transforming themselves in a short period of time. They can with their enthusiasm and attitude of learning leapfrog over our present day fumbling. But it has to begin with reconnecting at the neighbourhood level. It won't be easy, it will require a consistent effort to reach out when we have traditionally held back. It means opening up to bonds with neighbours, meaningful conversations, starting to visit each other and being comfortable in each other's presence once more. Focusing on building not breaking bonds at local levels. Creating safety nets for us all, the young, the old, the ill and the lonely. 

Once we accept we are one human race, on one planet not intellectually but with heart and soul, it necessitates caring for all those around us not just in words but deeds. It implies careful stewardship of this incredible planet. Our understanding of what it means to be truly united will reshape not just our inner reality but everything around us. Emboldening all with hope for a future world we cannot see just now. Inhabited by individuals, nobler than us. They will recognise the privilege to serve alongside others, to love and learn from each person they meet. The insurmountable problems facing this planet will melt away in the urgency of their united endeavours.